Page 46 of Tracked By Sasquatch

Jasper’s face softened and his eyes held something akin to admiration and love.

“I’m not here to collect you, Devin. I’m not here for your brother. I’m here as me, not the Bastards’ Enforcer.” He rubbed his hands up and down her biceps. “In case you missed the memo, I’m fucking yours, Sweetness. I’m here for you.”

Just when she thought she couldn’t be more surprised, Jasper pulled the old hold my beer. She always knew underneath his big gruff Sasquatch exterior was a big, banged-up teddy bear just waiting to be cuddled.

“I don’t need someone to come in and handle things, Jasper. I need to do this. I feel like I’m stuck in this ridiculous cage I built around myself with my own stubbornness, immaturity, and just plain stupidity. If I let you or my brother ride in and save the day, then I’m afraid I’ll stay locked away. I finally realize, I’m not just my own jailer, I’m the key.”

She sounded defeated, even to her own ears. She was afraid that he wouldn’t understand, hell no one would, she barely understood it herself.

What she did know was, that by her acting like a spoiled brat when she’d returned and not telling the Bastards anything, she’d created a chasm. The longer she refused to talk, the deeper and wider it got. At some point it became such a sticking point that she couldn’t bring herself to say anything, even after she realized they wouldn’t judge her.

It was like she didn’t know how to take that first step. It boiled down to the fact that she’d been taught to hide her shame, even when it wasn’t hers to begin with. So when it was actually hers, hiding was all she knew.

Leaving Ida there had been her biggest regret. Then when she did take the leap and planned to tell Hook, he’d shut her down before she’d even gotten to Ida. He gave her a deadline to tell Lucas. It put everything on a countdown.

Her initial plan had been to sneak in after Thom went to work, extract Ida, get her secure in her new home, then go back to her half-life. Tell the Bastards and let them handle Thom how they saw fit. But then, the night she’d decided that, she couldn’t sleep.

If she let them handle the hard stuff, she’d never have to face her demons and that meant she wouldn’t grow. She’d always be that immature girl who pushed people away while letting them fight her battles.

According to her therapist, by not telling her brother about her mother, she was denying herself growing their bond as siblings. And by not facing her mother, she was denying herself growth and closure. Of course, she’d suggested confronting safely, whatever that meant.

Devin was tired of being seen as a childish burden to the Bastards, a brat to her brother, and an immature fat failure to herself.

“Jasper, it has to be my fight.”

Instead of continuing to rub her arms, he pulled her back into the comfort of his chest.

“It has to be,” she reiterated.

“I’m not here to take that from you, Sweetness. I’m here to have your back. It’s your war, Devin, you’re the general, but let me be your weapon.” He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger there while he just held her.

“Please. Doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it by yourself. The thought of you being alone with your pain, hurts my soul. You have me now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re it for me, Sweetness.”

She was almost crying. Jasper was again saying she was his and it was bittersweet to hear. She was causing not only her brother pain by shutting him out, but Jasper was also hurting too. Again, caused by her fucked up handling of her problems or not handling them and trying to ignore them.

Accepting help would be the first step in letting people in, right?

She nodded against his chest and the sound of relief that escaped his body was heavy. She practically felt the tension leave his body and drop into the room.

When she pulled back from the hug, Jasper thumbed her tears away.

“Let’s get cleaned up and get some sleep and you can tell me how you’re thinking of handling it.”

How you’re thinking of handling it. Not how are we or here’s how he would handle it, but you’re. He was letting her control her own situation.

“You’re pretty amazing, Jasper Stanton.” She told him then made her way to the bathroom.

“I know. Why do you think I grew so big? I need these big guns to carry around all that awesomeness.”

He was still grinning as they entered the way-too-small shower. Jasper had that insane ability to be tender and in his feels one second and joking and happy-go-lucky the next.

However, she felt that was just for her. He was a perfect emotionless enforcer around everyone else, but a real teddy bear with her.

“I think you’d have to be that big to carry around your massive ego.”

“Ego? I think you’re pronouncing dick wrong.”

“Ugh, I take back my compliments. Rescinded,” she quipped as she exited the bathroom and tried to put his shirt back on.