Page 59 of Code Violation

“Okay.” I can’t help a bubble of laughter as it rises up my throat.

This whole thing feels wild and so freaking scary.

“Silas …” I thread my fingers through the fine hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Vesper.” He pretends to be serious while grinning from ear to ear.

I draw a big gulp of oxygen into my lungs, searching for the right words. “I’m taking this leap with you because I trust you and because I’m exhausted while I wait for the ‘perfect moment’ in my life to become a mom. Too many times, I’ve swallowed those damn pills and wondered if I’d get another chance to have a baby.” I drop my face into Silas’s jacket again, inhaling his scent. “But I’m scared, and denying it would be a lie. I’m scared because despite all you have said about Kane and making sure he doesn’t cause me any grief, deep down, we both know he will do all he can to make our lives a living hell.”

The tears coat my eyelashes.

“I’m scared because I like you, but I don’t know where this can lead between us, and I’m fearful of how it might end. If I’m pregnant, you will be a great dad, although there are zero guarantees when it comes to us. After all the hurt my heart has endured, I need to take things slow with you.”

Silas holds my face between his hands, thumbs swiping beneath my eyes as I take every thought spinning around in my head and send them out into the universe. He needs to know exactly where I stand. I owe it to him and to myself.

“We go at your pace, Ves. Always. But just so I’m clear, are you telling me you want to date or be friends and see where things lead?”

My heart and head are locked in another battle as I gaze up at the man I truly want to love me in a way I’ve never experienced while my brain urges maximum caution.

“I want to see where this can go, but I don’t want to rush into anything, like sleeping together again, until my body and mind have had time to process everything that’s happened. I don’t want the potential pregnancy to be a reason why we jump into something romantic with two feet. There are many people out there who co-parent way better than those who are still together just because they have children.” I push past the lump forming in my throat. “My parents are living examples of how not to raise kids. Even when they were together, it was hell on earth. The late-night fights while they thought my sister and I were sleeping, the resentment toward us getting in the way of them living their lives. I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did, and I don’t want to hurt you because I didn’t take a step back.”

Silas just smiles at me, one that’s bursting with pride and understanding. I’m sure, beneath his exterior, he’s wondering whether I’ll ever be in a place where I can date again and if that person will be him.

“You’re right; Kane will be an issue, but he’s nothing that I—or the skilled team of lawyers I have—can’t deal with. Everything else you mentioned … I totally understand and accept. For now, let’s take things one step at a time and find out if you’re carrying my baby.”

Every time Silas mentions me carrying his baby, I melt into a metaphorical puddle at his feet.

“You okay?” He tilts my face up, our lips so close, breaths mingling.

“Are you going to kiss me?” I reply with my own question.

Silas runs his tongue across his bottom lip, reminding me of how good he tastes. My center throbs at the memories.

“Do you want me to kiss you, Vesper?”

More tingles. “Do you know how hot consent is? Because you’re the king of it.”

He just shakes his head slowly. “No, I’m not. I’m an ordinary guy who treats the woman he loves with the respect that she deserves. If you don’t choose me to be your man, I want you to promise me that you will always remember the way I looked at you, the way I held you in my arms. If another man doesn’t give you that, then you walk away and save yourself for a person who will cherish every part of you.”

A tear drops to the apple of my cheek before Silas wipes it away.

“You’re just trying to get me to kiss you, aren’t you?” I gibe.

His top lip tips up. “Is it working?”

“What do you think?”

Silas plants both palms on the bar top on either side of my ass and leans into my ear. “Judging by the rise and fall of your chest, I’d say yes.”

Full lips fall to the sensitive skin just below my ear, and a delicious shiver courses through my body.

“How about this? I’ll put my hands and mouth on you again if and when you give me the green light to date you. Until then, I’ll be everything else you need.”

“And if I’m not pregnant?”

“Then nothing changes between us. I’m here for you—forever. There is no one else for me, Vesper, and I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time. At least now, I get to spend time with you and your coloring books, content in the knowledge that you’re safe and away from my asshole brother.”

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