Page 72 of Not Until I Found You

“Alright, before we get started, does anyone have any prayer requests?” Penny asks and folds her hands in her lap.

There’s a brief pause.

“Well,” Edna says, crossing her arms, “I’d like to request a prayer for patience.”

“What for?” Zane asks.

She shoots him a look. “For you.”

Laughter breaks through the room as Zane presses a hand to his chest. “I feel personally attacked.”

“You should,” Edna replies without missing a beat. “I’ve been praying for your attitude since the day I first met you.”

I duck my head, a smile slipping free, and I try to hide it behind my hand.

“Now, now,” Penny adds. “Zane has had a lot of growth since then.”

“Wow,” Zane says, looking around the room. “I thought this was supposed to be a safe space.”

“It is,” Grayson chimes in. “Safe for us.”

More laughter ripples through the group.

Penny shakes her head, still smiling. “Alright, before we completely lose control of this group, are there any real requests?”

Cindy glances at Ethan, her fingers curling around his. “We could use some prayer for peace and discernment while planning our wedding. It’s been a lot.”

“Amen to that,” Jessee says. “People show their true colors when you start assigning seating charts.”

“Don’t remind me,” Cindy groans.

Penny nods, making a small note in the journal resting on her knee. “Okay, wedding planning, patience for Edna⁠—”

“For Zane,” Edna corrects.

“For Zane,” Penny amends with a smile.

Her gaze shifts gently around the circle. “Anything else?”

There’s a subtle pull in my gut, like maybe I should say something, and for reasons I can’t explain, I listen.

“Could you say a prayer for our dad, Charlie?” I ask, pointing between Ashton and me.

Everyone’s eyes are on me, and my cheeks heat with embarrassment, even though I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Zane shifts beside me, his arm brushing mine. I glance over, and he’s already looking at me. He holds my gaze as he gives me an encouraging, almost proud-like grin.

Will doesn’t press as he replies, “Absolutely. Let’s pray.”

Everyone bows their heads, and I follow a second slower, my hands folding loosely in my lap. I don’t close my eyes all the way, not at first. Instead, I glance sideways toward Zane. His head is bowed, expression calm, with his hands resting loosely against his lap. Then he reaches over and takes one of my hands, lacing our fingers together.

His thumb brushes lightly over my skin, making my heart rate ratchet up a notch. All I can focus on is the anchor of his hand in mine as Will’s voice continues in prayer, and I let my eyes close fully this time. I inhale a deep breath and force myself to listen to his words. As the prayer ends, voices begin to rise and fall around the room. When Zane releases my hand, I immediately miss the comfort of his touch.

The group shifts naturally, a rhythm they’re all used to, except for me. And because of that, I remain quietly in the background, happy to simply observe the group and how they interact with each other. I enjoy watching and listening to the conversations of the group. The way they interact feels like a language I used to know.

Before I realize it, an hour and a half has passed, and the group is over. I stand and drift toward the edge of the room while I wait for Zane and Ashton to finish talking with the pastor. Around me, a few people stack chairs, while others exchange hugs and promises to see each other on Sunday. No one seems in a hurry to leave.

I watch them for a moment, and my smile drops quickly, because I think about my mom and how different life might have looked if she’d had people like this after Dad left. She could have used a friend to sit beside her in the loneliness and a community that would remind her she wasn’t carrying everything alone. Maybe she wouldn’t have felt like she had to hold on so tightly to Ashton and me if she’d had a community to hold on to instead.

This place is proof that church was never supposed to be only a building people visited on Sundays. It’s supposed to look like this, like a family. I can picture us both fitting right into this place, but this isn’t her home, or is it mine. There’s a whole different life waiting for me back home and college classes that I’ll be starting soon. The truth settles heavy inside my gut, dulling the edges of everything that felt so clear only moments ago.