Page 106 of Robbin’ the Rich

For several seconds afterward, I remained perfectly still, staring at the empty space he'd occupied only moments earlier.

Then the tears I'd spent the entire evening fighting finally won.

I folded in on myself and cried.

23

ROBIN

Asliver of light came through my window. I pulled the blankets over my head and did my best to push the world away. Time had begun to blur since that night. I had lost myself in an endless cycle of video games, delivery food, and going back to bed. I had no idea how long it had been, but it wasn’t anywhere near enough time to dull the ache in my heart.

I was still so angry. I was angry at the church for existing, at Micah for lying, but more than anything else, I was mad at myself. I should have known better. How did I not see it coming?

My phone buzzed for the hundredth time on my nightstand as I continued to ignore it. Until it buzzed right off my nightstand, hitting a haphazardly balanced pizza box sending crust filing across my room. With a groan I picked them up before taking the pizza box to my kitchen.

I set it on top of another pizza box… that was next to some empty Chinese takeout. I should care, but I just couldn't seem to make myself.

A knock at the door made me jump. Who could that be? Who would be at the ungodly hour of… 4:30 in the afternoon. Yeah, I should have guessed when the sun was coming in from my western facing window.

Through the peep hole I saw the face of my mother. I should have opened it, but instead I just turned and headed back to my room.

“Robin, you have one minute to answer this door or I’m letting myself in.”

I slowed and before turning and making my way back to the door. She would let herself in, I didn’t doubt that.

There is just something about the sight of your mother standing in your doorway with a Tupperware full of cookies and a reusable grocery bag full of something else that gave me a flicker of hope. That was until I saw the look on her face.

I knew that look. That was the look of a conversation not just a dropping off of goodies. Even still there was a part of me that just wanted to lay my head on her lap and let her play with my hair while I told her everything. God, I was pathetic.

She didn’t say anything as she walked into my kitchen and took in the space. It was like I was seeing it with different eyes too. Yeah, I’d let it get away from me. The sink was full of dishes. There were take-out containers on every counter. I even think there were some noodles on the floor, but I would neither confirm nor deny that.

“Robin, what on earth happened?” she finally said.

“Oh umm… I guess I just haven’t gotten around to cleaning,” I said as I started trying to straighten the trash currently lining every flat surface in my kitchen.

“I’m not talking about your kitchen, sweetheart.”

I turned to face her. It almost hurt to look at her due to the gnawing in my gut. Shame was a fucking bitch. Then she smiled and stroked my arm, and some of the shame fell away.

“I’m talking about the fact that you ran out of Thanksgiving and haven’t been answering your phone for four days.”

“It has not been four days!” Yet as I looked around the kitchen… it very well could have been.

“Honey… what’s going on?”

That was all it took. I walked right into her open arms and cried as she held me.

“Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” she whispered as she gently stroked my hair.

I should be embarrassed, but even in your twenties, sometimes you still just need your mom. Once I was able to hold onto some level of composure I pulled back and looked at her. She just smiled and wiped my tears away.

“Can you tell me what all this is about?”

I moved into the living room snagging the last box of tissue in my house before I plopped on the couch. “It’s that church. I just hate it.”

“Honey, I need to tell you. Your father and I didn’t understand how deep those feelings went. We should have. And even if we didn’t, we should have listened. We are not attending anymore. I’m sorry.”

I just nodded and blew my nose.