Page 69 of It Was Always You

TRACK 28

‘YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND’ (QUEEN)

Once their food was ordered, Adam and Jessica sat in a shy silence. He glanced up and met with her curious gaze.

She blushed and leaned forward when he caught her watching him. ‘Adam, can I ask you a very straightforward question?’

He cringed and fiddled with his napkin. ‘Hmm, if I say no you’ll think I’m an arse but if I say yes, I may not want to answer… tricky… go on then.’ He held his breath.

‘Why did you attend the singles’ night?’

Okay, that was direct.

He cleared his throat. ‘Erm, my friend, Lily… my best friend, actually, signed me up to an online dating website, but I didn’t feel right doing things that particular way. It’s like that woman said last night, better to meet people face to face straight off. I’m old-fashioned that way, I suppose.’

Jessica narrowed her eyes. ‘You have a female best friend?’

He chuckled. ‘Why does everyone seem so surprised by that?’

She tilted her head to one side. ‘Do you and she have history?’

‘Well, considering I’ve known her since primary school, yes, we have a hell of a lot, why do you ask?’

She shook her head. ‘No, I mean a history in the romantic sense, not just history-history.’

He began to feel uncomfortable and fidgeted in his seat. ‘No, and don’t take this the wrong way, but that’s not really first date conversation, is it? And pardon me for being harsh but it’s not really any of your business.’

She blushed again. ‘I’m sorry.’ She sighed deeply. ‘Look, I’ll tell you why it’s relevant to me. My last boyfriend was supposedly in love with me. We went out for four years, but I still found him in bed with his female “best friend”.’ She made air quotes with her fingers. ‘Suffice it to say I’m not a big fan of the whole female best friends thing.’

He puffed out his cheeks on a huff of air. ‘Shit, that’s awful.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, Jess. No one deserves that. But… maybe I’m wasting your time here, Jessica.’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Lily and I are very close. She’s my rock and she helped me through a very rough time a couple of years ago.’ He glanced up to see Jessica listening intently. Perhaps explaining things would help her to understand why he needed Lily in his life. ‘My… my wife was killed in a… she was…’ He closed his eyes briefly, willing his emotions to remain in check. He opened his eyes again and inhaled deeply. ‘A drunk driver hit her and she was killed instantly.’ He struggled to get the words out. It was a long time since he’d had to explain.

Jessica gasped and her hand covered her mouth. ‘Oh, Adam, I’m so sorry, that’s terrible. How… awful.’

He saw tears forming in her eyes and he nodded. ‘Yes, yes, it was.’ He swallowed down the lump that had tightened his throat. ‘Lily was there through the whole thing. When I needed consoling, she was there. When I needed a shoulder, she was there. When I needed a kick up the arse, she delivered the blow. She’s the one who’s been encouraging me to meet someone and get on with my life. And as hard as that is, I’m young and I can’t live in the past. But if it wasn’t for Lily, I’d probably have jumped off a cliff by now.’

Jessica nodded. ‘How come you and Lily didn’t get together then? You know, instead of you going to singles’ nights. She sounds amazing.’

He smiled affectionately as he thought about Lily. Visions of her smile flashed through his mind. And the time they had shared the bed in New York. How he had woken to find himself wrapped around her. The tattoo he had noticed on her back that he had never mentioned but wondered what the script had meant. He had meant to ask or at least make a note of it to Google it but hadn’t done either. He thought way back to the time they had shared a strange moment on the tennis court as teens and how he wanted her then but how she had made it clear to him she didn’t feel the same. He pushed down the strange sensation that tightened his stomach, putting it down to melancholy or nerves. ‘She is amazing. But she doesn’t think of me that way.’

‘And you?’

Adam narrowed his eyes. ‘And me what?’

‘Do you think of her that way?’

He paused for a few moments as he considered her question. ‘There was a time back before university when I felt… something… but it was fleeting and it was clear that she didn’t feel the same, and so I got over it. We both moved on and now we’re family to each other.’

‘So, you told her how you felt back then? And she said she didn’t feel the same?’

He was getting increasingly frustrated and felt like he was under interrogation. ‘No… I never mentioned it. I didn’t need to. Look, Jessica, I don’t mean to be rude, but I feel under scrutiny here, or like you’re psychoanalysing me. I don’t understand.’

‘Please, just humour me. I’m fragile and uneasy knowing any potential boyfriend… God, that sounds so immature… any possible love interest… God, that’s even worse… Okay, let’s just say that I’m uncomfortable with your relationship with Lily, and until I feel comfortable, I don’t feel able to move forward with you even though I like what I know of you so far. I’m trying to be honest.’

He rubbed his brow again. ‘But don’t you think this is all a bit intense for a first proper meeting?’

She sighed. ‘Yes… yes, I do… but I think maybe you and I could get on well, and I need to be honest with you.’

He pulled his lips in between his teeth. ‘Look, there’s nothing other than a strong family bond between me and Lily. I care deeply about her. But I’m not in love with her.’ A strange flash of… something tightened his chest as he uttered the words and he automatically shook his head, a little confused and taken off guard by it. He cleared his throat. ‘So… if that’s not something you can deal with, then perhaps we shouldn’t take this any further.’ He frowned.