Page 64 of It Was Always You

‘But, Adam⁠—’

He slurped at the mug of coffee he was holding. ‘I’m allergic, next.’

She curled her lip but evidently, she had totally forgotten about the time they had visited her aunt in Coldstream who had four cats. By the end of the visit, Adam’s eyes were swollen, he was covered in purple blotches and was wheezing like a heavy smoker. It was not pretty.

As if realisation had dawned on her, her eyes widened. ‘Oh, shit, yeah, of course.’

He clicked the next one. ‘How about this one… Dark-haired, sexy, adventurous woman, willing to try new things⁠—’

She gasped. ‘Ooh God, no.’

Confused he asked, ‘What? Why?’ He took another slurp.

‘Means she’s a bit kinky.’

He almost spat coffee all over the keyboard. ‘What? It could mean she’d be willing to try white-water rafting, or windsurfing… or something.’

‘Yeah, white-water rafting or windsurfing with a strap-on attached, probably.’

‘Eh? Strap-on?’

She shook her head. ‘A strap-on? A fake penis, Adam… good grief.’

He felt his face warming. ‘Erm, I know what a strap-on is, Lil. I was just shocked to hear you say it, that’s all. And it didn’t look to me like there was any mention of strap-on penises… penae… penisae… What is the plural for penis anyway?’ Adam gazed up at the ceiling with his brow furrowed. ‘As an English teacher, you’d think I would know that.’

She slapped his arm. ‘Adam, concentrate.’

‘Sorry, Lil… okay, next.’

‘Right… ooh, this one sounds okay… curvaceous redhead with an avid passion for skin art, and metal work… Ooh, you like curves, Adders.’

‘You kidding? She’s probably got none of her own skin visible other than on her face. She has tattoos all over her chest as it is from what you can see on her photo. And look at all the face piercings. I don’t fancy getting my lips stapled together every time I kiss someone. I don’t think so. Next.’

Lily gasped. ‘There’s nothing wrong with redheads though, Adders.’

‘Oh, hell, yes… I never even thought of that. Maybe that’s a wig and she actually just has a tattooed red head… no hair.’ He shivered and made a blurgh noise.

‘Well, I think you’re just being too bloody picky now.’

‘Says you who discounted the adventurous water skier.’

‘Feel free to give her a call, Adders. But don’t come crying to me when she’s tried to tie you to her bed and whip your arse from here to next week.’

He shrugged. ‘Fair point… okay… next.’

Lily read aloud, ‘Okay… late twenties, blonde… curves… loves Harry Styles… she’s into interior design and art, loves Florence and the Machine. Very pretty, looking at the photo. Ooh, this is a good one. I think I’d date her!’ She laughed.

He turned to her with raised eyebrows. ‘Are you really sure you’re not a lesbian?’ he teased. She punched his arm… very hard. ‘Shit, Lil! That really hurt!’

‘Good. It was meant to. Now what about this woman? She sounds great.’

After following all the necessary protocol required by the dating site, Adam messaged Arabella Douglas. According to her details she lived near Inverness, which was a mammoth four-hour drive away, but she sounded rather lovely. With Lily hovering in the background, but banned from reading over his shoulder, and with hope in his heart, he began to type.

Hi, Arabella,

I thought I would message as we matched on the app. I live in the Scottish Borders, which I know seems like a long way, but I was wondering if maybe you would like to meet for coffee some time? I’m happy to come to you one weekend.

I should tell you about myself, I suppose. I’m almost thirty-one and I teach English to delightful high-school kids. I say delightful because I suppose I have to make myself sound like I like kids! Actually, I’m only kidding. I do like kids. I think you have to like kids to be a teacher. That or you have to be a sadist… or a masochist… And I can assure you I’m neither!