Page 43 of It Was Always You

‘ALONE IN THIS BED’ (FRAMING HANLEY)

June 2023 – the first birthday after Eve

Adam had been dreading his thirtieth birthday. If Eve had been here, there would have been big plans afoot, no doubt. The simple fact that this was his first birthday without her made his chest ache. Christmas had been excruciating but now he was facing the next of the big firsts without her. He couldn’t even bear to think about the anniversary of her death, her birthday, and their wedding anniversary.

‘One thing at a time, my love,’ his mum had told him.

Who was he kidding? Every day was difficult. But for this day to be so significant made the ache grow deeper. He pulled the pillow back over his head. Thank goodness it had landed on a Saturday. People at work had been very kind. There had been lots of knowing looks during the week, which had just made him feel more and more lost.

He thought back to the birthdays he had celebrated when Eve was with him. She always made a fuss. He would usually awake to the smell of cooked bacon. She would bring a tray up to him and sit beside him while he tucked into his favourite food. She would shower him with thoughtful gifts and little tokens of love. His favourites had been the small things: a heart-shaped key ring, a mini Statue of Liberty ornament and a message in that birthday’s card that said:

One day we will visit the real thing.

A white pebble she had found on the beach and had written:

Forever Yours

in twirly writing on it; a leather credit card wallet filled with photos of them together that he could keep with him at all times. Memories of those times made him so happy, so angry, so very, very sad. His eyes began to sting.

He was torn from his reverie by banging on the front door and he groaned loudly. Glancing at the clock, he realised it was after eleven. He had no real reason to get up, however, so what did it really matter? Sinking back under the duvet, he ignored the hammering.

‘Oy! Adders, you lazy pig! Get up and open the effing door before I resort to breaking in!’

Lily.

He clambered out of bed and made his way downstairs in just his boxers. He yawned widely as he opened the door.

She gaped. ‘Good grief! Put your flesh away, Adders! It’s your thirtieth! No one wants to look at a naked old man!’ She shoved past him and dragged him by the arm towards the stairs. ‘Get your arse upstairs and get a shower while I make you a fry-up. Then get your clean and clothed arse down here because I have something to tell you.’

Reluctantly, he followed her instructions and once showered, dried and dressed in jeans and his favourite old grey T-shirt, he made his way back down to the kitchen, following the teasing smell of bacon and sausage. He sat down at the small table as she placed a full plate of heart attack-inducing food in front of him.

Sitting opposite him without any food, but with a smile on her face, Lily slid an envelope across the table. ‘Happy birthday, you old git.’

Chewing on a mouthful of crispy bacon, cooked just the way he liked it, he glanced at her. ‘Oy! Less of the git.’ He grinned and opened the card. He shook his head at the joke inside. Typical Lily.

She giggled for a few moments, but then her laughter subsided and her face became serious. ‘When you’ve finished that, I need to speak to you about something. Something very important.’ She chewed her lip.

His interest piqued, he placed his fork down and took a gulp of the fresh orange juice in his glass. ‘That sounds ominous. Is everything okay?’

She nodded. ‘Just finish your food, okay?’

He munched away until his plate was empty and his belly was very full, and he followed a rather nervous-looking Lily through to the lounge with his cup of coffee, where she gestured for him to sit next to her on the sofa. He sat and pulled his brows in at the middle.

Placing his cup on the floor, he turned to her. ‘Lil, you’re worrying me. Please, can you tell me what’s going on with you now?’

She took a deep breath. ‘Okay, you have to promise that you won’t get angry, okay?’

He pulled his lips between his teeth. His palms were sweating, ‘Aww, now I’m really worried. And usually when people say don’t get angry it means that you will do just that. What have you done?’

She inhaled deeply. ‘This is going to be difficult, for me, too, but just hear me out.’

He was getting annoyed. ‘Lil, just spit it out, will you?’

‘Right, okay… here goes. Last year, before Eve died, she and I were talking about your thirtieth. She wanted to plan something big for you, and she wanted my help. So together we planned something pretty huge. It was all done using my credit cards so that you wouldn’t find out, but—’ Her lip began to tremble. ‘But then she was killed by that fucking idiot drunk driver… and… I wasn’t sure what to do.’

He slid across the sofa, his own emotions needling at him just beneath the surface. ‘Hey, hey, don’t cry. It doesn’t matter, Lil. Don’t worry. I’m not bothered⁠—’

‘No, Adam, you don’t understand, let me finish.’ She took another deep breath. ‘Anyway, Eve knew how much New York meant to you. How much you had always wanted to go. She wanted to be the one to visit Times Square with you; to visit places like the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty…’