Page 40 of It Was Always You

‘Oy! Cheeky pig. It’s a good job you’re grieving or I’d punch you.’

They sat huddled on the sofa eating pizza as Adam recounted the tales from his first day back at school. ‘Who would have thought it, Lil? Those kids really do care.’

‘I had no doubt in my mind. That Jenny Milton though. That thing about the soup made me fill up. Bless her.’ Lily sniffed.

‘Oh God, don’t you start. It made me do the same this morning in front of all my colleagues. She’s a character, that’s for sure. Every time I saw her today, she gave this sad smile. I had no idea she had a heart underneath that crusty orange façade.’

Lily sniggered. ‘I don’t get this need to trowel make-up on. Girls that age don’t need to do that.’

‘I agree but they all do it. Anyway, get the film on and pass me the choccy.’

‘Bossy sod. Life of Brian is it then?’

‘Absolutely.’

TRACK 18

‘GIVEN TO FLY’ (PEARL JAM)

November 2022 – after Eve

Court at the end of October had been horrendous. Adam had gripped Lily’s hand at one side and Eve’s mum’s hand at the other. He had stared into the eyes of the monster who had ruined his life and seen no remorse. When the verdict had been read, Adam had almost collapsed off his chair. His dad and Eve’s dad had pretty much carried him out of the courthouse. After that day he had stayed home for a whole week and not left the house until a joint effort between his parents, Eve’s parents and his friends had eventually succeeded in dragging him back to real life.

The custodial sentence of eighteen years that had been handed down to the reckless driver who had stolen Eve away hadn’t felt like justice at all. Yes, the vile human would be locked up for a very long time but Adam, along with Eve’s parents, was stuck in this hell for the rest of his life and that didn’t seem fair.

Lily had been a frequent visitor and Adam knew he would be eternally grateful for her place in his life. But when she landed a job that was likely to take her out of the country a fair bit he wasn’t sure how he would cope.

‘New York? Eve and I always wanted to visit there,’ Adam said wistfully as he stared at the floor for a few moments. He shook his head as if dragging himself from a trance and widened his eyes. ‘So, when are you going to be back, Lil?’ Panic was thick in his voice and Lily’s heart lurched. He had been back at work doing the job he loved for a little over four weeks now, and she’d been assigned a story in the United States. It was a great opportunity, and she couldn’t pass it up. She’d been asked to go out and meet a film crew and record a piece on the differences between the US and UK education systems. Okay, so it wasn’t as if she was going to be signed up as an anchor on some flashy US news show, but at least she would get to meet people. It would be good for her to network. Adam didn’t seem to get it though.

She squeezed his arm. ‘I should be back in a month so don’t worry. Anyway, you’re doing fine. Have a little faith, Adders.’ She had left it until the day before she flew before calling around to tell him the news. He’d had enough on his plate, reacquainting himself with the normalities and routines of school life.

He slumped down onto his old sofa and huffed out a held breath. ‘A month? But what will I do without you?’

She sat down beside him. ‘Adders, sweetie, I’m not your only friend. You have family, too. And Max is at the other end of the phone. It’s a month. That’s all. And I have to go for my career.’

He rubbed his hands over his face and loosened his tie. ‘Yeah, I know you do. It’s just… well, no one really gets me like you do. You know how to deal with all this grief shit.’

‘Grief is shit, Adders, it really is, but I’m not a crutch. You need to learn to depend on yourself again. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true.’

A pained expression washed over his face, and he winced at her words. ‘Is that what you think I’m doing? Using you as a crutch?’

She nodded. ‘I know you don’t mean to, but I’ve been here almost every day for the past month, and when I haven’t been here, I’ve been talking to you on the phone. I have to get back to my own life at some point.’ She spoke as gently as she could but knew her words stung.

He pursed his lips and glanced sideways at her. ‘You’re right. I’m a big boy. So I’ve lost the love of my life, so what? So I’m all alone, so what? So⁠—’

‘Adam, shut up,’ she snapped. ‘Stop with the woe-is-me crap, will you please? I’ve been here for you throughout this. You know that. I’ve helped in every conceivable way. But at some point, you have to start helping yourself. Stand up on your own two huge bloody feet. Please?’ She stroked his cheek. He flinched and pulled away.

She stood. ‘Right, well, I’d better go. I have to be at the airport early and I need some sleep.’

Adam stood to face her. ‘Stay here.’ He held onto her arms.

She had longed for those words to fall from his lips for so long. But the meaning behind them now wasn’t the one she’d hoped for. He was being selfish, trying to cling onto her for as long as possible. Not because he loved her any differently than before. But because, in some crazy part of his head, he thought he needed her to function. He thought he couldn’t manage without her and she’d enabled that. Yup, she was definitely a crutch of her own making. But she wouldn’t do it any more.

‘Adam, I’m not going to do that. My stuff’s all packed and ready at home. My bed is at home. I’m going home.’

Adam slumped down again. ‘Fine.’ He folded his arms like a sulky teenager once again.

She couldn’t help but snigger at his demeanour. ‘You’ve been taking too many lessons from those kids at school. I could balance my mug on that bottom lip.’