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“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

She snorted in disbelief. “Then why am I crying? I should be happy. I am happy. So why…” She shook her head, blinking rapidly, trying to stem the flow. She was only half successful.

Dean didn’t answer right away, giving her a second to compose herself. Then he cupped her face in his hands, waiting until her eyes lifted to meet his. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“How can you? I don’t even understand this.”

He tilted his head and gave her a soft smile.

“Seriously. Can you explain it to me?” Vivian rubbed her eyes wearily, then wiped away the last vestiges of tears from her cheeks.

“You said Phil was your first love.”

She frowned, then nodded.

“I’m guessing that might mean he was your first…everything?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Your only?”

She swallowed hard, nodding once more.

“And tonight…” He paused, not wanting to say anything that might make her start crying again. Her tears bothered him more than he cared to admit. “You haven’t been with another man since he passed away, have you?”

“No,” she said in a choked, strained voice. Fresh tears filling her eyes.

“That’s a pretty big thing, Vivian.”

She closed her eyes, fighting to tamp down her emotions. It took her a minute or two, but he saw when she turned a corner, calming down.

“You spent years loving him. Then the last five grieving him.” He brushed her hair behind her shoulder before placing his hand over it, hoping the touch would comfort her. “You don’t just wake up one morning and forget.”

“I kissed you,” she said, as if she needed to convince herself of something.

“I know.”

“I wanted you,” she added.

Dean sighed, offering her another small smile. “I know that too.”

“I still want you.”

His heart thudded painfully, despite the fact he loved hearing that admission from her. “Want doesn’t erase the past.”

“It feels like…” She searched for words she couldn’t seem to find. “Like I left him.”

Dean shook his head immediately. “No.”

“It does.”

“Vivian. You loved your husband.”

He knew the moment he spoke, he’d used the wrong tense.

“I still love him.”

“Of course, you do. You always will.” Dean was suddenly regretting that they hadn’t taken the time to talk about this stuff before they had sex. If he’d known for certain that he was going to be her first lover since Phil passed⁠—