Page 20 of All Fall Down

“Why?” The question I’ve wanted him to answer for years slips out, but I’m not the one asking. Hugo is.

“It was the perfect alibi. I knew it would get back to my parents, and that in their own messed up rationale, they would think they fixed me. Do you know how fucked it is when your dad pours you a whiskey and slaps you on the back for something like that? I mean, they bought me a car. As far as they were concerned, I was normal again. All I had to do was sell my soul to Monroe.”

“What did she have on you?” Hugo demands. Jonas is skirting the issue, and even though all the clues are there, we all need to hear him say it.

“I was drunk. I spent a lot of my time my freshman year drunk. It was easier to cope most of the time. Emma usually came to the parties with me, but she stayed home for some reason.” He looks at me to see if I remember. I do. I’d gone out with Becca that night. Jonas had acted strangely after that night. Every day it felt as if he was going through the motions. I’d expected him to dump me, but he’d chosen a far more humiliating and hurtful way to end our relationship.

“I remember,” I say softly, and try as I might, I can’t place any forgiveness in my words.

“I didn’t know what I was doing when I kissed him.” Jonas barely pauses to let the truth sink in before he goes on. “He was drunk, too. More drunk than I was, but even as I did it, I knew I was lying to myself. He was straight and he probably would have kicked my ass if he knew what I did. I barely remembered it myself. I thought maybe I’d dreamed it until Monroe showed up with photographic evidence. She left it up to me. I could help her cover up her own secret and ensure that no one found out the truth or she could blast the proof all over Facebook. I didn’t know what my parents would do if they found out, but, honestly, I was more ashamed. I didn’t want to lose my friends. So, I went along with it. I am truly sorry, Emma.”

His words work like alchemy, melting the cold, stoniness in my heart and creating acceptance. I’d held onto my grudge against him long enough, tricking myself into believing it was Mèrely unrequited love. “I forgive you.”

“Are you saying you’re gay?” Hugo asks in a strangled voice.

Jonas takes a deep breath as if to steady himself. “Yes, I am. I’m s—”

“Why are you sorry?” Hugo cuts him off. “It’s not a big deal, man.”

Another moment of acceptance and maybe Jonas can finally shake free of the fear that’s crippled him for so long, but the terror lingers in his eyes.

“I need to tell you something.” His voice is shaky and my breath catches as realization dawns on me. Jameson grips my arm as if he senses my urge to interrupt this confession before Jonas gets hurt.

“It was you,” Jonas admits. “Monroe caught me kissing you.”

Hugo’s eyes widen and then he does the last thing I expect: he laughs. “I’m flattered. If I played for that team…well, you know.”

“You’re not pissed?” The tension in Jonas’s body relaxes and he practically slumps to the floor. He’d been bracing himself for a fight.

“Look, you’ve seen me drunk. I doubt you’re the only guy I’ve kissed.” Hugo continues to roll with it. “I get why you didn’t tell me, but I don’t understand why you had to be The Dealer.”

I suck in a breath and wait for his response. Jonas might have less to atone for than I previously thought, but this was thing I wanted to understand.

“It’s simple, really. The whole world was going crazy. I saw all of you there that night, and I was so tired of hiding who I was. Those pictures all tell more of a story than you think. That one of you”—he looks to Hugo— “carrying that girl? You just made sure she laid down on a bed.”

That wasn’t the conclusion I’d drawn when I saw it. That photo might have been innocent but what about the others. What story was he trying to tell? “And the others?”

“It’s felt like karma has been on vacation for too long in Belle Mère.”

“So you took over her job?” I guess.

“Someone had to. I know that whoever killed Nathaniel West was there that night. It was the perfect opportunity to hold people accountable.”

“While still hiding,” I bite out.

“I guess it’s what I’m good at,” he says in a flat voice.

“So you don’t know who did it?” I ask. “Who killed Nathaniel?”

“Not any more than you do.” He shakes his head and I feel myself deflate. So, Jonas thinks I’m innocent, but he has no way to prove it. He also has no idea who is responsible. We’re back to square one.

Hugo stands up, brushing off his jeans, before he hauls Jonas to his feet. We stand awkwardly around each other, none of us certain what to say. After a minute, Jameson tugs at my hand. I step closer and he whispers in my ear, “Let’s give them some space.”

That’s exactly what we should do. The answers aren’t here, and the healing that needs to be done has nothing to do with us. But leaving them here will give Jameson exactly what he wants: me—alone.

A devilish grin curves across his mouth, and I know he has me right where he wants me.