Page 49 of Silent Damage

“What are you doing?” he screams. “Are you fucking watching me? You fucking freak!”

He throws a pillow, but I dart back into my bedroom and slam the door.

I hear him scream, “Why can’t you get out of my life, you sick fucking perv!”

Tears want to fall, but I won’t let them.

Not for him.

I’m so stupid.

For a moment, I thought we’d found each other again.

I collapse onto the bed and look at the ceiling, covered in sweat, with a churning pain in my gut.

My mind races—

I wish I could scream.

Instead, I turn on the light next to my bed and grab my sketch pad and pencil.

In moments like this, I draw. When my mind can’t stay quiet—when the memories of the past threaten to break me apart, or the pain of the present feels like it’ll pull me under—

I draw.

Jason

My head feels like a buffalo sat on it. I’m naked on the sofa, and the trailer smells like butt sweat.

I guess that’s my bad.

I start recalling bits and pieces from the night before.

Sweet mother of Christ—

There’s nothing worse than hangxiety—having to recall what your dumbass did when you were too drunk to make good decisions.

And I made nothing but bad ones last night.

My eyes scan the room, thanking god that I’m alone.

The night is a blur between the moment the fight ended and when I ended up back here. One moment, I was using the fifty bucks I won to buy shots, and the next, I was watching porn on my phone.

That’s what I remember more than anything.

Angelique must have left, leaving my horny ass alone with the only person in the world who can wreck me worse than a whole bottle of Sauza.

Him.

My mind cleared when I saw them—my favorite OnlyFans couple.

It’s no surprise they were the ones on my phone when I came to.

I’ve been watching them for years because their chemistry is off the charts.

Chloe is the girl, and she’s a freaking bombshell: blond hair and an amazing body. She’s not skinny like some of these other pornstars. She’s curvy. Her body is insane—like Marilyn Monroe’s. She’s dominant, too. Bosses her guy around, demanding that he eat her out or fill her pussy with cum.

All of the nasty things that make a pig like me go feral.