Page 79 of The Snowflake Effect

In life, I covet independence. Sexually, I revel in his dominance.

I brush my foot over the dusting of hair at his ankle.

He smolders at me and says, “I find that nugget interesting, because the Shay I know is often too stubborn to compromise. She holds pretty fast to her opinions and rules, and I’m just wondering if what went down with your ex is entangled with that a bit. Sometimes, when we experience bad things, we swing too far in the opposite direction, wanting to avoid those bad things from happening again.”

There’s a different inflection in his tone, something more tense. “Are you speaking from experience?”

“Me?” He rubs the back of his neck, shaking his head. “No, I’m just worried that you’re so intent on your independence now that you’re not as open to new experiences as you could be. And kind of isolating yourself from your friends at times. Like, not telling them when you’re struggling.”

He’s peeling back my thick hide, exposing the scars Richard left in his wake. The same issue I was stressing over yesterday with the girls. “I told Lily and Raven everything, if you must know. And it felt good,” I admit.

His lips tug upward. “That makes me happy. And just so you know, you can tell me when you’re struggling, too, without me happening to be there when things go sideways. You can even do stuff you don’t normally do with me, like when you watched South Park with the girls. You might enjoy the unexpected.”

I might, and I hate how the notion still makes me clench. Opening myself up to Kolton’s influence doesn’t have to be negative. I may watch an action movie to make him happy. I may try rock climbing, because he loves it. I may change parts of myself to fit with parts of him, but if I’m mentally healthy, I’ll still be me at the core.

Surely, I can manage that?

“Challenge accepted,” I say. “As long as you’re open to doing activities I like, too.”

“Name it, and I’m in.”

Ooh. Now, this could be fun. “Pole dancing class?”

He smirks. “I’ll buy spandex shorts.”

“Spa afternoon?”

“Sure, Connor. I’ll even let you pick the nail polish.”

I shoot him a mock-glare. “If you don’t tell me who this Connor is, it’ll be hot pink.”

He shrugs. “I’ll take the pink, thanks.”

“You’re maddening, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told. Also, do you know how fucking hard it is sitting here like this, without having my hands on you? It’s like the more I have of you, the more I need.” He blinks, like he’s surprised he admitted as much, and my hand trembles on my wine glass.

God, this man affects me. “In that case, as long as you don’t embarrass yourself on this date, I’m happy to test if me being more open to doing new activities with you heats things up in the bedroom.” If he only knew what I have planned for later.

Grinning, he checks his thick, leather-banded watch. “Noted. We should order. And eat really fast.”

But we don’t.

The waiter returns, and we wave him off. Twice.

We talk. We touch. We laugh.

I tell Kolton about the design game I play in my head, redecorating interiors, and he prods me to reimagine the space we’re in. Black tables instead of glass. Miniature bamboo plants on the edge, not lamps, understated and sexy.

Eventually, food is ordered, eaten, and enjoyed. The Asian slaw we share is an orgasm on a plate, each bite different and exotic. I moan, and he shifts on his seat.

The check is brought, the bill paid, and we hurry to Kolton’s car, eager to get to the hands-on-each-other part of our evening. Kolton wasn’t wrong: the more I have of him, the more I need. He nearly gets in a car accident as my hand inches up his thigh. Then we’re at home.

Where things are about to get even hotter—literally.

CHAPTER 34

SHAY