Page 62 of Strictly Against Policy

He cocked a brow at me. “If you’re trying to ask me if I’m dating around, I’m not.”

“Well, you must buy a lot from your florist for them to open early just for this.”

He leaned down so we were eye to eye. “Lina, you’re the first and only woman I’m doing this for—which is why my personal florist was shocked that I called him at seven in the morning to make this. Andy doesn’t usually take personal orders, but this was an exception.”

Jonathan’s smile was wide as he glanced around my place. There was nothing spectacular about my apartment. It stood bare and simple with only the necessities. My move was easy and simple because I’d long abandoned the idea of decorating my space.

I wouldn’t mind doing something different to the bland and lifeless home I had, but I didn’t know how. Mary suggested adding more life to my apartment with color or plants. Although they were good suggestions, it all felt forced. So, things had been like this for as long as I’d lived by myself.

It didn’t matter to me that my apartment was boring. I had a roof over my head. I had my own place and paid for with my own money. It also wasn’t tainted by my family’s overbearing personalities, or voices, or cluttered lifestyles.

What mattered most was that this space was all mine.

Jonathan turned to me, holding up the brown paper bag and coffee carrier. “I got us some breakfast sandwiches, tater tots, and coffee. You couldn’t sleep too, right?”

I gestured for us to go into my dining room to the small table there. I went straight to the kitchen to grab us plates. “No, I couldn’t. I guess that makes both of us.”

“Hmm, I wonder why.” Jonathan’s voice dipped into a husky voice as I heard one of my dining chairs screeching across the floor.

My cheeks burned as I came back with plates. We both glanced at one another and at the imprint we marred across the other’s skin.

“I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I admitted honestly.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since you started working at the pharmacy. Couldn’t sleep. Could barely breathe because you consumed every moment of my life,” he whispered. “You were right when you claimed I was obsessed with you weeks ago. It’s true. I am. I’ve been obsessed with you for over a decade, Lina Lee. I had never admitted to it, and you never knew.”

My breath shook. “What are we, Jonathan? Is this a new game we play? You, teaching me how to fuck while you get off on that high? Then, we bicker and banter at work as if nothing happened?”

“No. No games. I’m yours. You’re mine. I’m your boyfriend. You’re my girlfriend. I want an exclusive relationship. Just you and me.” His firm words flowed out of his mouth in a smooth cadence, without hesitation. “If this were a game, I’d be honest about it.”

He paused to swallow thickly before continuing. “Truth is I’m so fucking scared, Lina.”

“Of what?” I asked.

“I’m scared of losing you—the same way my mom lost my dad. Or worse, you losing me. I-I—” His words choked up in a hoarse, raw voice. “I’d feel horrible if I died, leaving you to live in pain like my mom and⁠—”

“Jonathan,” I managed to croak. I placed a hand on his chest to feel his heart rapidly beating.

“I know. It’s stupid,” he scoffed. “But what if I died all of a sudden and left you?”

“You’re not going to die,” I said gently.

“Maybe not now. But one day I will.” He looked at me and placed a hand over the hand I had over his heart. He squeezed it tightly. A frown was deep on his lips, contorting his face. “Despite all these fears, the one thing I’d regret the most on my last breath—whether it’s tomorrow or when I’m ninety-five—is if I gave up this opportunity to be with you.”

His bottom lip trembled. “Like I said last night, I’m an honest man. I want you. Every single bit that’s you. Lina. Raw. Unfiltered. You.” He panted with a ragged breath. “I want your pretty mouth, your undivided attention, and your gentle heart. I want to know every inch of your beautiful body down to every single crevice of your blazing, fiery soul. I want all of you, Lina Lee. I’m fucking scared to the bones that I’m going to die and leave you behind one day, but I’m not going to let that fear hold me back. I want to be with you.”

My throat clogged with writhing emotions. Tears burned my eyes like acid and blurred my sight. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t even breathe.

“Jonathan,” I rasped.

“You’re special to me, Lina. You’re like me. We’re one and the same,” he said back. “I refuse to let you pass me by like you didn’t take hold of me—of my sanity. I will never be the same now you’ve truly left your mark in my life.”

He paused for a moment as we both gasped for air. “Do you want this as much as I do?”

“Yes. Of course, yes.”

His hands cupped my face and, before I could take a gasp of air, he plunged into me. I let him guide me through an unrelenting kiss as we tangled our tongues, sucking, biting, and breathing heavy.

“Fuck, Lina,” he breathed, pulling away. His sex twitched against my stomach as he bit his bottom lip. “I’m trying to be a gentleman here.”