Page 64 of Torqued

Rush’s hold on me slips, and I break away. The door still open for everyone to witness our destruction and downfall. My soul is gutted, and it was done for all the world to see it.

I run from the hauler, past Lane, and Lynn. Colton watches me as I sprint to my waiting car. I climb in before it speeds away. With every fallen tear, I struggle to breathe.

Finally, laying my head down and allowing the pain to consume me. “I love him. I pray he’ll forgive me one day.”

18

Rush

I’m standing on the threshold of hell, and know it would be more comfortable there and in this world without Spencer. She runs from the hauler, broken because of my past and future colliding.

Spencer’s hurt, and she has every right to be. If I had gotten those images of her, I’d be crushed too. To imagine the love of your life in someone else's arms is one thing.

But she was given proof in living color.

My world spirals without her here, and I’ve fallen by the wayside. There’s no winning without her, and I’ve embraced losing. I would pack my bags and head home if it didn’t impact the money everyone would lose.

“People are telling me to forget you to move on. I would if I could, but then again, they have no idea what I’ve lost.” It’s been weeks since I last heard from her, even longer since I’ve seen her.

The days and weeks pass, only to be marked by my losses on the track. Spencer fixed a calendar, showing me how many races I’d have to place in to win Rookie of the Year.

“She believed I could, and made it seem so easy to do.” I don’t care if I ever win another race in my life. Without Spencer, they’re not worth winning. Nothing in life has the same meaning.

Margo and Crank have drug my ass from track to track every week, in hopes that I would snap out of this. The thing is I don’t want to, I want her. Spencer is winning to me.

“I would’ve left me too. These last few weeks without you have been the worst days of my life.” I sit on the wall of pit road, praying I can survive another day without her.

Colton sits beside me, staring out into the stands with me. “Rush, I don’t think she left because of the photos. Spencer knew who you were before she got into this with you.”

“There’s no way I could stare at those things if it were her, I don’t blame her. I just wish I could fix it.” My chest constricts; missing her is more than my heartbreaking. Its life-altering.

“Can’t you?” Colton stares at me, waiting for me to answer him. If I had the answer, I would’ve already given it.

“I don’t understand.”

Colton turns to me, scratching his face as he thinks of the right words. “What would you do for Spencer?”

“Anything, there is literally nothing I wouldn’t do for her.” I pound my chest, trying to restart my cold dead heart. But it won’t, it doesn’t beat without her.

“Don’t you think she’d do the same thing for you?” Colton inclines his head, raising his brows.

I hang my head, with memories of her flashing before me. “She would.”

“So, you’d both move heaven and earth to be together. It stands to reason you’d walk through hell for each other too.” Colton’s lip twitches as he fights a smile.

I stand, infuriated with all of these damn games. “And I’m not going through hell without her? She should be here, and I’d be winning.”

“If she had stayed, you might have been ruined.” He scowls, taking his hat off and running his hand through his hair.

“No.” The world spins out of control, whirling around like a top. I lose my balance, staggering until I hit the ground. My heart thunders against my chest, stealing my breath as this world has taken Spencer from me.

I fist my hair, bringing my knees to my chest. I struggle for air, dragging it into my burning lungs, trying to quench the fire of my engulfed heart. Nothing makes sense until it all does.

“Fuck!” I scream, beating the pavement beneath me. Rage pulses through my veins like lava, like fury, fills my gut with venom and hate. I fight to stand; my head feels like it ready to explode.

“Lane.” My voice cracks loaded with emotion and bitterness.

Colton nods, holding his hand out to me. “Man, I didn’t think you would ever figure that out.”