Page 85 of Drive Me Crazy

When we reach his truck, I open the door for him to sit Rumor inside and buckle the sleeping beauty in.

"She's too big to carry, but I've done it for years and can't bring myself to stop. Unlike Boone." He mumbles.

I pull my brows low. "What do you mean?"

"He never got to carry her until last year. I sent him plenty of pictures and stories, but he missed everything." He shrugs, shutting the door after I back away.

"I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you both."

"I had it easy." Ridge gazes at me, drawing me deeper in. "Boone lived for years knowing Rumor was his, but with nothing to prove it. He watched another man raise his daughter and couldn't do a damn thing about it. I don't think I could ever do that again to anyone."

"I'm sorry."

He pulls me to his chest, wrapping me up. "No need to apologize, you didn't know. Besides, that's not the entire story, there's so much more to it."

I press into Ridge, molding myself to his body until our hearts set a pace with one another. My chest tightens as his warmth overtakes the darkness in my soul.

Here, I'm safe and happy but still feel so far away from him. I know I should tell him everything and I will. For years I dreamed of being back in his arms, I just need to be here a little longer.

"I wasn't with you, that's all I know."

"You'll never be without me again." He murmurs through my hair, sending chills over me.

I pull away, as guilt gnaws at my resolve, eating every ounce of happiness. "I've heard that before, and I get it. We were young and dumb, but you shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

"So, you agree? We're no good together."

I glare at him, taking another step away. "I didn't say that at all, but apparently you're thinking it."

"I'm stating the obvious! You refuse to tell me what's going on, knowing how I feel about the fact that I've continuously let you down. I can't think of another reason for you to keep anything from me."

"There's a helluva lot more going on here than what you think of yourself, Ridge! That’s what you think of yourself, I've never put that on you and won't." I pound my chest, not sure if I'm trying to jumpstart the truth or my heart. "This is my truth! Mine! And it's so goddamned fucked up, even I can't face it."

"Then tell me and let me help you! I want to be here for you!" He throws his hands in the air. "The fuck you think I’ve been doing Harper. Trying to absolve my sins? I'm trying to love you, despite my own damn demons."

"The truth is this is bigger than even I can comprehend. I'm not even sure I want to." I drop my head, letting the tears fall.

"Have you considered I might have the answer?"

I reach for the door, wanting to jump in and get away, but I don't know from what. "I have, and I'm afraid it'll be for the best."

"So, why wouldn't you want it?" His frown deepens, pulling his brows low.

"I don't know," I yank on the handle. "probably because I know one of us wouldn't deserve it."

He slams the door shut. "You're maddening, Harper but being without you all of this time has been nothing less than a death sentence to my soul."

"Is it too much for me to ask you to leave all of this alone? To just be happy and here, in this moment together?" My stomach churns, making me nauseous with every word.

His shoulders slump, signaling his defeat. "I'll give you more time, but there's gonna come a day that you have to face this with or without me."

"Take me home." I gaze up into his eyes, praying he'll do as I ask and pleading for a short reprieve from my own mind.