Page 2 of Changing Lanes

“Ava, don’t even start this shit. You knew. I knew. Let’s leave this where we should have six months ago.” I drag my jeans up my thighs and hop to my feet. Grabbing my shirt, I slide my shoes on and jog over to the convenience store for a drink and a bag of chips.

Ava sits on my tailgate as I approach her. Her eyes watch the ocean as it roars to the shore. A storm is coming; I hope I can clear it before it hits. By the look on Ava’s face, I don’t have a snowballs chance of getting outta this shit storm, though.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so cold.” Taking my place beside her, she scoots closer. I’m instantly uncomfortable. Ava and I broke up for good reason, but telling her now what a mistake this was will be my last choice.

“It’s okay. Spread your wild oats, I’ll be here,” she says, laying her head on my shoulder.

Before I can stop it, my body goes ridged. “Ava, we’ve gotta talk.” Sitting up straight, she turns her body to face me. I turn into her, taking her by the hand. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you, too.” Her face lifts as her eyes light up, a small smile playing on her lips. This conversation isn’t going where she wants it to. I’m not sure I’ll ever get her to understand.

“But I’m not in love with you, Ava. Do you understand?” I see the moment realization hits as her face falls.

She becomes defiant, refusing to look at me. She knows what we’ve done, this wasn’t supposed to happen. “You always say it, but then we get back together.”

“I say it because I mean it. I’m not in love with you. We’ve talked about this numerous times, just because we sleep together doesn’t mean we’re back together. Sex does not make a relationship.” Her face freezes, she sits like a stone now, moving her hand away from mine.

Her eyes scan the beach as she lets what I’ve said sink in. She pushes her full bottom lip out, pouting like a child. “I know, I know. I can’t help the way I feel about you, Brannon. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.”

“I know, the first time I pulled your hair on the playground, I believe. We’ve been friends since we were five-years-old, I think I loved you then. But this,” motioning between us, “isn’t working. It’s like we’re together because we’re afraid not to be. What if, what if there’s a great love out there for each of us?”

Finally looking at me, frowning, she folds her arms across her chest in defiance. She rolls her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“The love of our life. Ava, I love you, but I know you’re not the love of my life. And I’m not yours. I don’t want us waking up in twenty years, married and miserable. You deserve more than a mediocre love. I deserve more.” Her tears begin to fall faster; I feel like shit. “When we’re together, we’re both unhappy. You broke up with me the first time, remember? Why are you acting surprised?”

She yells as she stands with her fist on her side. “Because I’m scared. Without you, I’m nothing. I have nothing, and I’ll never be anything. Why can’t you understand? I have no family, you’re all I’ve ever known.”

“I get it, I do. But, Ava, have you ever thought it’s because we’ve never tried loving anyone else?” Folding my hands together, I plead with her to understand.

Raking her fingers through her hair in desperation, she looks utterly broken. “I’ve dated. I don’t feel the same way about the others as I do you. Honestly, Brannon, I know my own heart.”

“If you think any of this is easy for me, you’re wrong. I love you, Ava, but this has been toxic for a long time. We feed off each other and when we don’t, we just have sex because we can. I mean, goddamn, we were young and stupid the first time we fucked. Both of us making grown ass decisions because of hormones.

“Slowly, we both started to resent one another, like an old married couple at sixteen. Neither of us wants to be in this relationship, but everyone expects us to be together, even us. Like we share a fairy tale relationship. Now, we hook up once a month, and we both know that shit doesn’t make a relationship.”

We stand there, face to face, letting it all sink in. I know she’s scared. Alone. But I’ve spent my entire life watching over someone else, now is my time. One of us must recognize what this is and put an end to it. Now. Before I can say another word, Ava speaks.

“I know.” Her only words.

Shaking my head, I wrap her in my arms. For her and me. “Ava, I’ve watched over you for thirteen years, I’ll never stop. When your parents’ died and you went to live with your grandmother, I made sure you stayed with us every weekend, did I not?” She nods slowly as she wipes her falling tears. “So, why do you think I’ll forget about you now?” Reaching over, I place my finger under her chin to lift her bowing head.

“What if I never find a great love? Maybe you’re my great love?” Still, she’s so afraid of being alone. I want to protect her, be here for her forever. But I have to take this opportunity.

“Well, I guess this time apart will tell the tale. I’m not moving to another country. I’ll be home often, and you still have my number, Ava. I’m not going to leave and never come back. I’ll never forget about you.” I playfully nudge her shoulder with my hand.

“If you ever try to, I’ll remind you. You understand?” She narrows her eyes at me.

“Friends forever. I love you, I promise to always love you.” I squeeze her tightly before letting her go.

She looks up at me beneath her lashes still wet. “Well, can you give a friend a ride home?” asking as she smiles sweetly.

“No doubt.” Throwing my arm around her shoulder, I guide her to the passenger side of the truck, helping her in.

I drop Ava off at her granny’s, then move at lightning speed to get home. Momma’s gonna have my ass. I brace for the chewing I know I deserve. Staying out all night isn’t something I do, and drinking is something I don’t do often. Ava, however, is a totally different story.

Pulling into the long dirt road to my family farm sends a pang to the pit of my stomach. Wow, I’m surprised it’s already hit me. My last drive home for a while. I know we’ve made every preparation for this moment, but it’s still surreal.

Going to college has always been my dream. I busted my ass to get the opportunity, but now that’s it here, I’m having doubts. Will the farm survive without me? Have I thought out every scenario? Am I leaving at the wrong time? Damn, this is harder than I thought it was gonna be.