Page 13 of Unruly

The realization slams into me like a freight train. The woman who’s been under my skin for months, the one I’ve been watching every night at The Bar, the one I already feel stupidly, dangerously possessive over…is the same woman who left me choking on her exhaust this afternoon.

HALLE

Pulling into the local elementary school parking lot, I see Molly standing over by the door, already waiting for me. Tierney set this walk-through up for me with Rhett’s girlfriend, or whatever she is. If you ask Colt, she’s old news. And if you ask me, I’d say my brother is delusional.

I step out my car, and into the heat. Molly waves over to me with an overly-excited smile. “Ready for the tour, Halle?”

Oh, she’s one of those elementary teachers. Great.

“Hey! I’m so excited!” I feign a smile and walk over to her.

“I’m so excited you’re thinking about joining our school! Rhett told me that you guys all grew up together,” she says, beaming.

I’d be curious if Molly realizes how much older I am than Rhett, and how she would feel if she knew he was the annoying little kid who ran around me. Either way, we walk inside and instantly, my stomach twists. This is the first time I’ve stepped foot in a school since I lost the baby.

Molly immediately dives into talking the moment the doors swing shut behind us and we take off down the hall. She points out everything as we pass—the art room, the library, where a corner has been turned into a huge reading fort, and the cafeteria, with all the snack and lunch schedules posted. Outside, you can see the playground through the window.

I try to focus on everything she’s saying, but I can’t as we pass an open classroom. It’s clearly kindergarten, based on their sizes—definitely under six. A little girl with pigtails laughs loudly at a boy who’s sticking his tongue out, while another boy with dark wavy hair similar to mine builds a tower, face scrunched in concentration.

I freeze, and my hand flies to my stomach before I can stop it. I push down the bile rising in my throat and it tightens in response, eyes burning as I blink back tears.

“What is it?” Molly asks.

Push it the fuck back, Halle. You can do this.

“Are there usually kids here over the summer?” I ask.

Molly smiles, oblivious. “Yeah! Most schools only run a session in summer for camp, but here at Cedarbrook Elementary we run multiple sessions, turning the school into a full-time camp. For our older kids, we offer full-day programs with arts, science, and sports. The kids love it.”

“Oh…”

“You good?” Molly’s voice cuts through with concern.

“I’m fine.” I nod at her.

I push through the rest of the tour, but inside, I’m falling apart. The tiny chairs, colorful drawings, and giggles all mocking me.

As soon as she says we’re done, I say a quick goodbye to Molly and head back to my car. I barely make it before the tears start falling. I dial Aria at the stoplight, my hands shaking as I pull out of the parking lot.

She answers on the second ring. “Halle?”

“How do I make this stop? When do I get to the point where this starts hurting less? How do you do it…”

Aria sighs. “Yeah…I told Tee you weren’t ready.”

I sob into the phone. “There were kids everywhere. Little kids laughing and playing. And I–I can’t do it. I really thought I could go back this fall, but I fucking can’t. I can’t. I feel like someone just ripped out my heart.”

“Halle girl, slow down. I’m sorr⁠—”

“This hurts so bad.” I’m full-on ugly crying now, barely seeing the road from my blurred vision.

“You aren’t going to heal overnight, my girl. But over time, it will hurt less. Maybe the school just isn’t in the cards for this fall?”

“Then what am I going to do?”

She chuckles. “You’re going to do what all of us Dawson’s do and figure it the fuck out.”

I pull into the driveway of my Grandma’s house and my stomach drops. My dad’s truck is parked right there.