Page 25 of I Still Love You (Citation Needed)

Dr. Fairfax raised an eyebrow, and I turned around to see Mason stomping away. Well, fuck. I didn’t know how much he overheard, but he at least heard me threaten Lois with a war and hope he failed.

“I’m afraid he only heard that you hope he doesn’t get tenure,” the older woman said with a smirk of her own.

Well, fuck.

Chapter Nineteen

Itried to find Mason before his session that day. It was a repeat of the one he had done in February, but this time Heather was presenting

I tried to find Mason before his session that day. It was a repeat of the one he had done in February, but this time Heather was presenting with him as it was originally designed. I wanted to explain what he had overheard, but he proved to be difficult to find.

“I’ve been looking for you!” Cooper said when he found me in the hotel’s basement between sessions later that morning.

The basement was the primary conference space for this hotel. They had been broken up into smaller spaces that were perfect for groups of various sizes. It also featured nooks where you could get away from everyone and catch your breath. There was a great exhibit of some of the initiatives and their progress over the last year.

“What’s up?” I said, unable to make eye contact as I kept an eye out for Mason. I thought he might be down here to catch his breath in one of the nooks.

Cooper waved for me to follow him to an empty hallway. “I thanked all the candidates in person or by phone and let them know we’re re-opening the search,” he said, lowering his voice and crouching down to my level.

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s the final decision?”

Cooper shimmied his shoulders. “Not exactly, but I need you to do me a favor.”

I opened and spread my hands. “Anything! I’m happy to continue to help.”

“I need you to tell Mason you’re not making the final decision and will have no influence on my final decision,” Copper said, his voice shaking.

My smile fell and my jaw shook. “What happened?”

Cooper blinked a few times. “I asked him to send his resume in again and he refused.”

“Did he tell you I would sabotage his chance?” I asked, keeping my voice even.

Cooper nodded.

I felt deflated. How low was his opinion of me that he believed I would sabotage his chance to get his dream job? “I’m sorry,” I said, my head hung low.

“I assured him the job was his if he sent me his resume. I even reminded him the team had written the job description for him and it had been done before I asked you to be on the committee,” Cooper said and paused to take a breath. “I told him you refused to be on the committee when I first asked because you didn’t want this exact thing to happen.”

“He didn’t care, did he?” I asked after taking a deep breath and exhaling.

Cooper shook his head. “He said you want him to fail.”

I counted to five before responding, my mind spinning with ideas on what to do next. None were great. “I’ll do my best to fix this. As of this moment, consider me off the committee. I have nothing to do with your final decision. I’m looking for Mason anyway. Where did you last see him?”

Cooper stood up and looked around. “I thought he came down here ahead of me, but I don’t see him anywhere.”

I skipped the workshops and lectures before lunch in hopes of finding Mason. I kept replaying my words to Lois, feeling like I had been set up to hurt him. Lois was no idiot, but neither was I. I had been behaving like one when it came to Mason. I was so interested in showing off how successful and important I was that I had been ignoring the few interactions I had with him. We had always used intellectual discussion to flirt. His ‘citation needed’ refrain was supposed to be tongue in cheek, another way to flirt.

There could be only one reason Lois had set me up and that was because I had been about to win. I had overheard their argument at the conference in Lacock. I knew he was aware that he was going to leave Lacock State and needed a new job. I had come to Lacock again, and it had sparked something for both of us. She had momentarily convinced him I would sabotage him, but he questioned it after the reception. Her fake apology reeked of her trying to prove she was right.

As I searched, I thought about the best possible outcome. It was more than Mason getting the job with WikiAcademia. It was his freedom to go where he wanted in his career and in the world. He could move to Cape Cod to live with me. We could build the life we had dreamed of the first time around. We could travel together for EncycloWiki meetings and events. Both jobs were remote so we could be here in London, Paris, or anywhere else we wanted. Then I remembered the original wedge that Lois had been able to drive deeper between us. His remaining family was in Lacock. I had searched for his grandparents in the spring, after I got home from the conference. They were still alive and probably still living close to him.

What chance did we have if he was in Lacock and I was in Cape Cod? Maybe if this was a new relationship and we were unsure this would even work. We had been engaged and planning our lives together. We knew we were good together and I would hate traveling two hours each way to spend a few days with him here and there. Lacock wasn’t that bad anymore. In fact, it might be more accessible than most of Cape Cod. I had gotten lucky to find a place built for the owner’s mother who had used a wheelchair herself. Mason and I could live there short term, but we’d both need more space, and we’d have to build it ourselves. I didn’t know if that existed in Lacock yet, but the city seemed ready to open themselves up to everyone. It had felt safe that weekend I was there. Everyone I talked to seemed to be making an effort.

It was time to be an adult. What was I willing to give up or adjust so Mason and I could be together? Maybe I couldn’t convince him to take this job, but I had to make him see that I wanted him to be happy and doing what he loved. I wasn’t sure I had ruined it, but I had to do my best to show him I had been wrong when I had refused to bend last time. I had proven Lois Fairfax right at graduation, but this time I was determined to prove her wrong.

My brain circled around this through lunch. I found it hard to focus as I replayed the morning’s fuck up, the plan I was determined to make happen, and my romantic fantasies about how happy our lives would be if we got back together. I sat with my staff but didn’t hear a word they said. I was too busy keeping an eye out for Mason. I didn’t see him at all during lunch, but Heather and Lois eventually came in, smug looks of satisfaction on their faces when they saw me.