Page 12 of I Still Love You (Citation Needed)

“Penny Smith is someone I’ve known for over a decade,” Lois continued. “When I met her, she was a student in our sociology PhD program. If it wasn’t for her work fighting for all our students and residents, this campus would never have been able to accomplish as much as we have to make the university and city accessible.”

Lois was an amazing speaker, and I watched as she waited for a response before continuing. If I had liked her more, maybe I would have admired this about her.

“Penny taught me how important this work is,” Lois said with a smile directed at me, “and I think this organization is in great hands with her playing a role in how its administered. I am so thrilled that one of our alumni is now leading this amazing organization.”

I considered rolling over her toes when I got to the front of the room, but it was time to play political games with someone who was exceptionally good at it. “Penny Smith, thank you and congratulations on your new role,” Dr. Fairfax said and gestured to where I was sitting.

The room broke into applause. I took a deep breath and went to the front of the room. A microphone had already been attached to me so I could move around the room. I was ready to face a room of people I had known for years. Lois Fairfax took a seat next to Lizbeth in the front row. I felt my heart racing, and it felt weird. I had testified in front of congress! This audience was full of friends and colleagues, not toxic people looking for me to fail.

I wasn’t ready to unlock all my feelings about what had happened. That woman had tried to destroy my life, succeeding at ending my relationship with Mason. She was using my work to create her own legacy and only giving me credit because I was here. Dr. Fairfax felt like my competition who may have been called out for not acknowledging me. She had won years ago and for some reason I felt like this was her victory lap - push me out of Mason’s life and claim my work as her own. I knew this emotional fight would drain my energy, but I was going to have to reconcile it if I was going to move on.

She may have won our war for Mason, but I wasn’t going to let her win now. This was my community, and they were the reason I had been hired. I opened my mouth, ready to show this woman how all her efforts to tear me down had failed. A smile spread across my lips. This wasn’t a political game anymore. This was a victory lap.

Chapter Nine

Let’s have dinner tonight,” Cooper said as we made our way to Mason’s session later in the day. “There’s this cute bar by the hotel. I think you’ll like it.”

I raised an eyebrow. I trusted Cooper to make sure I could access any place he selected to eat. The people I trusted the most were those who looked out for my needs without being prompted. It was a quality he shared with Mason and one of the things that made me like him as soon as we met.

We were running late for Mason’s session. This was the last session before lunch which he was presenting with Heather. I had gotten sidetracked talking to someone about my vision for EncycloWiki. That left us in the back of the room. We entered one of the larger rooms, where tables had been set up. I was impressed that it was easy for me to get my chair under it and noticed that it was designed to rise and lower as much as someone needed. Nobody had touched it for their own comfort. I was glad Cooper and I could sit together. I was positioned in the corner of Mason’s eyeline. I had hoped to avoid his attention, but we locked eyes and his shoulders tensed. Now that he was completely aware of me, I suspected I would be the center of his attention.

Mason’s strength had always been teaching. He had thrived in the classroom and had always been a favorite among students. He made sure his students understood the assignments, had mentors who supported them, and got opportunities to build their own resumes. Even if he took a back seat, they got what they needed.

“Before I get started, I just want to make sure you know these aren’t all my slides,” he said, his deep voice still able to make me feel comfortable and safe.

I was irritated that he was using someone else’s slides. However desperate he may be for tenure, the man I knew would never do that.

“My colleague Heather worked with me on this presentation, but she had a personal emergency today and had to stay home. I’m picking up her part of the presentation as best I can.”

I relaxed and let go of my irritation with that explanation. Of course Mason would do this as a way to help a newer colleague. I wished someone was taking care of him as well as he was taking care of others. In my experience, researchers wouldn’t acknowledge a missing colleague and take credit for anything they could.

While I fumed about his problems, Mason ran through his slide deck, talking about the changes in public discourse expectations and how EncycloWiki could help manage that. He talked about impact factors for articles increasingly considering EncycloWiki’s reach.

“What’s an impact factor?” a young man sitting at the table next to me whispered.

“It’s a number assigned to an article to show the impact it has in the world,” I responded, leaning my head down so Mason wouldn’t see us talking. “It considers how many other articles are citing yours, the subscriptions of the publication, which websites are linking to it, and even social media mentions.”

The man turned to me, eyes wide, and whispered, “I didn’t realize that was critical.”

Cooper and I looked at the young man, both with eyebrows raised. “Are you an academic?” I asked.

The man’s head shook very subtly. “I was considering going back to school though and wondered if EncycloWiki would count toward class credit.”

“Then you don’t have to worry about impact factor.” Cooper shook his head, and I heard the man sigh.

When Mason was done, most of the people in the room raised their hands with questions.

“Did this get you tenure?” was the first question asked.

I rolled my eyes. The person had missed the point about this being more important than getting tenure.

Mason opened his mouth but took a few seconds before saying anything. “I know tenure is important, but this work will help you do the things that can get you tenure. We’re being asked to contribute to the public discourse. EncycloWiki is a way to do that.”

“But did it get you tenure?” the person asked again.

Mason shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I applied for it this year. Yes, I did include the work I do as an editor, teacher, and researcher.”

“So you don’t even know if this works?” another person asked.