Page 20 of Modern Persuasion

"I think Fredrick had some type of epiphany. You know these creative types. Inspiration can come at any moment," Patrick said.

"He looked mad," Louisa added.

Patrick said nothing as he turned and met my eyes. I knew why Fredrick Wentworth was angry, and it was my fault. While Fredrick was in the bathroom, we all switched seats. I took the window seat, and Patrick took mine, putting Louisa happily next to Fredrick. I put on my headphones and closed my eyes. I was pretending to be asleep before Fredrick got back to his seat.

It was early afternoon when we landed in LA, so Louisa and I played tourist together. Patrick called and insisted we come to his home for a Fredrick-free dinner. As we walked around Beverly Hills, I kept reminding myself that I only had to get through a week in LA and three days in Chicago. Yes, these would be the two most difficult stops on tour. Once we got back to New York, I would be done and off to Cape Cod. After that, everything could get back to normal. The only thing I ended up buying was a simple bathing suit at Patrick's instruction. I hadn't planned to swim, but he insisted we would at dinner.

Louisa was excited to go, even if Fredrick wasn't there. Dinner was fantastic, and Victor was everything Patrick had promised. We got drunk, swam in the pool, and I felt like this was the first relaxing night I had had in months. Nobody mentioned Fredrick Wentworth or books. We talked about nothing and everything, played Cards Against Humanity (Patrick and I were declared the worst people in the world), and Louisa got to flirt with Seth, one of their friends.

Seth was an actor I had seen often playing the Asian friend in movies. He was half Korean with jet black hair and green eyes. He had just become the next hot thing when cast as one of the lead actors in Fredrick's newest sitcom project. The show was already getting a ton of positive buzz for its diversity both behind the scenes and on the screen.

"I think I like you more than I like Fredrick," Patrick said as we lounged next to the pool in the dark. We were very drunk.

"Thank you," I said with a giggle.

Patrick pulled out another bottle of wine and poured more into my glass. "I'm serious."

"So am I!"

"Then why did you turn down the proposal?"

I took a deep breath. I needed the air to clear out my head for this answer. Patrick, after all, only heard Fredrick's side of the story. "So many reasons."

"I refuse to believe that. I have figured you out already. You're a checklist type of woman. You had pros and cons. What were the cons? They obviously won."

I clinked my glass against his. "No publishing companies out here."

"That's not true anymore," Patrick said with a wave of his free hand.

"My family is all in NYC."

"From what Louisa says, they don't deserve you. You're a saint, and they're the sinners. These are lame cons."

"They weren't the deciding reasons. They were the whipped cream and cherry on top of the big one,"

Patrick rolled onto his side, spilling his wine a little. "Please tell me."

I hadn't talked about the real reasons with anyone after Karen, and I had made my pro/con list at graduation. It was enough that my family and job were in New York. Nobody ever wondered why I never sought more for myself.

I drank all the wine in my glass, hoping for the inhibition to be honest with Patrick and myself. "In the end, I didn't know if I loved him enough to give up everything that I wanted to move to a place where I had nobody and nothing," I said in one breath.

Patrick remained silent, not even moving to refill my wine. I took a deep breath and continued. "I firmly believed, at twenty-two, that I wasn't nor were our feelings strong enough for me to give up my career, leave my friends and family behind, and follow him. I honestly thought I would grow to resent him and stop loving him."

"He didn't agree," Patrick said, reminding me of what we both knew.

"It all seemed so easy to him. He had everything here. His friends would obviously be my friends. His family would be my family. I could just go to New York when I was needed. He was so positive, but it was easy for him. I could no more ask him to move to New York for me than agree to move to LA for him," I blurted out in one breath.

Patrick finally reached for the bottle of wine and refilled my glass. "Was it the right decision?"

"If you asked me that question last month, I would have said yes."

"Now?"

I didn't say anything for a few moments. I was lost replaying every glare and angry comment he had made since PubCon. "He doesn't feel the same, so it doesn't matter. Louisa is the type of woman he wants to be with, not me. I just make him angry."

"You two are so oblivious," Patrick said with a laugh.

"What does that mean?"