Page 18 of Tall, Dark and Haunted

“What article?” Mini asks. She spits the gum into a napkin, takes a slow sip of her unicorn hot chocolate, and sighs in delight.

“An artist killed herself in England,” Amber says. “Naked. In a fountain. Everyone’s saying it’s some public commentary on society. A cartoonist even sketched how she died. Here, I’ll show you.”

I grab Amber’s phone somewhat impolitely and scroll through it. Oh my Goddess! This just keeps getting worse and worse.

“I’ve always wanted to use one of those,” Davy says. He reaches for the phone I’m holding, miss coordinates, and his hand grazes my boob. “Oops. Sorry, Rhi.”

I take a step back. Not that I didn’t enjoy the boob graze, I just REALLY need to see what’s in the article. There’s no doubt it’s about me. And at the bottom, there’s a black and white sketch. My hair is floating around my head, my legs are spread-eagle, and my hoo-ha is on full display.

“What the actual fuck?” I cry in outrage.

“It looks like a beaver, doesn’t it?” Amber asks.

Mini looks over my shoulder. “I think the teeth are overkill, if you ask me.”

Because yes, the artist gave me a hairy hoo-ha with buck teeth. And it definitely looks like a beaver.

“Here.” I shove the phone back at Amber.

At least my boobs are uniform, and my face is so cartoonish it’s unrecognizable. There’s just no getting past that beaver.

“Did you see the best part?” Amber asks.

“The boobs?” I really don’t want to have this conversation.

“No.” Amber snorts. “The artist’s paintings are up for auction for close to a million each. Can you imagine?”

“What?” I cry.

“That’s nothing.” Topher chuckles. “I once purchased a Van Gogh for a couple of pounds.”

I gape at him. Then at Amber.

Everything is kind of hazy as she makes my drink, then one for each of the guys. Topher pays with a gold coin—which Amber hesitantly accepts—and then they all talk about how the artist, M. R. SCOTT—because that’s how I signed all my paintings, thank the Goddess—is talented.

I’d be bragging that the paintings were mine if I wasn’t so embarrassed about dying buck naked in a fountain. What if the guys think my hoo-ha really has teeth?

I’m sipping my hot chocolate in a daze when the cafe door jingles and the deputy mayor steps inside, followed by an entourage of cops. Her eyes zero in on the guys.

“You three, I need you to come with me. You’re going into custody until we can return the castle to its original state, and you back to ghosts.”