Page 22 of Sunset on the Solstice

But Molly wasn’t going to let her get away without speaking. As Shelby tried to get out of the apartment for her meeting with her professor, Molly followed her around, trying to give her a slice of pizza, trying to figure out what was going on. When Shelby got too annoyed with her, she turned around and blared, “I don’t know, Molly, all right? The love of my life is in the hospital, somewhere between life and death. Sorry I’m not that concerned about my schooling right now.”

Molly clenched her jaw and seemed to want to say something.

“All right. Come on. Say what you want to say,” Shelby told her.

Molly grimaced. “It’s just that you didn’t date him that long, Shelby. He should have been a summer fling!”

Shelby flared her nostrils. “I don’t need to listen to this.” She stormed out of her apartment and back into the rain.

That afternoon, Shelby met with Professor Thames to discuss what was going on. From one look at her, Professor Thames knew that Shelby was emotionally lost. She made Shelby a cup of tea and ordered her to sit down. “Tell me everything,” Professor Thames said. “Don’t leave anything out.”

Shelby explained that Jared—her fiancé, she called him—was in a coma, and that she didn’t want to leave his side, for fear that he would wake up or die.

“I understand. You’re under a great deal of strain,” Professor Thames said quietly, contemplatively. “I didn’t realize you were engaged, Shelby. That’s quite a status for a woman of your age, especially in the time we’re in. But I understand. Life happens. When I was your age, I was engaged, too. Of course, I ended that as soon as I got into grad school.”

Shelby bristled. The last thing she wanted was more advice. But it seemed she was about to get it.

Professor Thames narrowed her eyes. “Shelby, you’re so young. You’re so brilliant. You need to be thinking about yourself in all this. You need to be thinking about your future.”

Shelby swallowed. “I am thinking about my future. I’m thinking about my future husband, and the life we want to build together.” Her vision was blurry, and her voice sounded distant.

Professor Thames rubbed her temples. “I understand. You’re under a great deal of stress. How can we work through this? How can we have a proper semester of school for you, while you go through this difficult time?”

Shelby raised her shoulders. She had no idea how to help this woman. She had no idea how to help herself. “Maybe I should go on hiatus,” she suggested.

“No,” Professor Thames said sternly. “That won’t do. You’ll get behind, and you won’t go to grad school at the right time, and you’ll let yourself slip out. I’ve seen it happen over and over.”

“What makes you think I’ll be like everyone else?” Shelby asked.

“It’s a chance I’m not willing to take,” Professor Thames said. “Because I believe in you, Shelby.”

For more than an hour, Shelby sat in Professor Thames’s office, aching to leave it. She made promises about writing papers and reading novels that she knew she wouldn’t have time for, especially if she were in the hospital with Jared and his parents, and especially when Jared woke up and needed her attention. She agreed to a looser schedule for the next few months and to keep Professor Thames updated on everything. She hardly felt even a stab of guilt, because, maybe, she didn’t care.

“You need to come to campus once a week,” Professor Thames told her. “It isn’t far from Cambridge. I know you can make it work. Please, consider yourself in all of this.”

Shelby promised she would, although she knew she would break the promise immediately.

After her meeting, Shelby walked back to her apartment, where she packed a bag of toiletries and clothing, preparing herself for another week or two at the hospital. Again, Molly tracked her down, but Shelby slammed the door between them, telling her roommate that she didn’t have time. “I want to be back in Cambridge as soon as I can,” she called.

“I’m going to call your sister,” Molly said.

“Do whatever you feel you need to do,” Shelby said. She didn’t care anymore.

When Shelby left, she could hear Molly talking on the phone down the hall. She sounded panicked and lonely. Shelby wondered if Molly felt she had anything to live for, the way Shelby did now.

On the bus ride back to Cambridge, Shelby fell into a sort of meditation. In her mind, she told herself that if Jared woke up, she wouldn’t ask for anything else. I’ll do whatever he asks me to do. I’ll drop out of Columbia. I’ll marry him. I’ll have his babies. I’ll spend the rest of my life making him happy.

Maybe a part of her knew how foolish she sounded. But she reminded herself that love was often unbelievable, that some of her favorite love stories were about people who fought the odds to be together. How lucky was she to have such an incredible love story?

The following morning, her mother and Lily again found her at Jared’s bedside. They asked to go for a walk. Shelby agreed, but told them she had to be back in a half-hour.

It was clear that Rebecca and Lily were even more worried about Shelby’s well-being than they’d been before. To ease their minds, Shelby told them that she’d created a plan with her professors, that she wouldn’t get off-track that semester. This was, of course, a lie.

“I hate that you’re living at this hospital,” her mother said. “I mean, what if he wakes up and…”

“He’ll wake up and realize that I love him.” Shelby shrugged. “It’s what he needed to know before, and it’s what he’ll always know in the future.”

Rebecca and Lily looked pale and nervous. They begged her to go out to eat with them, but Shelby insisted on staying at the hospital, so they went out and came back with food. They ate in the waiting room, with Shelby feeling anxious to get back to Jared’s room. She ate quickly and made herself feel sick. Rebecca and Lily seemed unsure what to say. Shelby wondered if they’d practiced their dialogue on the drive from Nantucket, only to find it failing them.