Page 66 of Pretend it’s Forever

“Can I get you something to drink or anything?”

I pulled her into my arms, selfish as always, and held her close. She stiffened for a moment, before sinking into my hold and letting out a deep breath.

“I’m okay. I’m fine. I promise.”

“I need to tell the girls you’re here because they’re going to hear your voice.”

“I won’t tell them anything.” I kissed her temple, and she pulled back, studying my face. I couldn’t read those gorgeous eyes of hers, but I watched as she walked away, down the hall to the girls’ playroom.

Part of me wanted to follow, but from the way that she had rolled her shoulders back, I knew she was trying to center herself, to find strength.

And hell, I needed to do the same damn thing.

I looked around her home, the one that she had made herself without that man, and with the family that she had cared for. Her little girls were growing up underneath this roof, within these walls, and were loved. They thrived.

I didn’t know how to tell Sophia that I wanted more. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Just more. I wanted her. I wanted those promises that I had failed to allow myself to keep. Because I had never meant them, and that was the problem.

How was I supposed to make sure she knew it was something I had been thinking about before the plane went down?

“Mr. Carson! You’re here!” Violet squealed as she ran towards me. I knelt down, ignoring the twinge in my back, and held open my arms. She ran to me, and I gathered her up, Hazel right behind her. They talked a mile a minute, and kissed my cheeks, before going down to their feet and bouncing around me.

I only understood around a third of what they said, but I merely smiled, loving how the girls were so animated. They looked like their mother in that instant, and I was so grateful that Sophia had even let me in the house, because I wanted this. I wanted to be part of this.

And I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do about that.

“Okay, girls, I need to talk with Mr. Carson, but thank you for welcoming him,” Sophia said, her voice oh so careful. I hated that I had done that to her, but I would make up for it. Somehow. And not with gifts or anything that came from who I was outside of this house.

No, I would need to find other ways.

I was not good at this.

No wonder the Cage brothers were ready to break me. Because I deserved it.

“I can talk to you soon,” I promised both of them.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Hazel whispered before she grabbed her sister’s hand and skipped down the hallway.

I tilted my head, studying them. “While they have never seen The Shining, my brothers thought it would be funny to teach them different weird things. Meaning they like to do that terrifying twin thing without even knowing they’re being terrifying.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh and failing. “Was it Dorian?”

“And oddly James,” she said with a laugh. “Theo may have helped as well.”

There was an awkward silence as I stood up, looking at this woman that I adored, loved…

“I thought you were dead,” she croaked out, and I took a step forward as the first tear fell. But she held up her hands, waving me off. “Just tell me what happened so I can breathe. I am—I don’t know what to think, Carson.”

I ran my hands through my hair and nodded. “I don’t know either. The plane did go down, but not fully,” I corrected.

That didn’t make any sense.

“There was a malfunction, and the engine just stopped midair. We went down hard. I was with my team, the people that I have handpicked for my business. They may not be family, but some of them are the closest people I have to it. And all I could think of the whole time was that they were going to lose... The people that they loved were going to lose them, and it would have been my fault.”

“How on earth would it have been your fault?”

“Because it was my plane. My pilots. My engines. Everything was mine. It doesn’t matter that we had countless checks on it, and we didn’t skimp on safety, it happened. Thankfully, I have the best fucking pilots in the business, and they were able to ensure that we didn’t crash into the forest beneath us, but we landed hard, in a place with no service, no communication, and we couldn’t get out to anybody. Then some asshole decided to tell the world that our plane went down. Crashed. No survivors. I don’t know who started that rumor, but I’m going to find out. Because it broke my little sister to think I was gone.” I swallowed hard, knowing that Cora would forgive me, but I didn’t know if I deserved it.

My baby sister had spent part of her honeymoon thinking I had died.