Page 29 of Pretend it’s Forever

All you do is give up.

You were supposed to be the touchstone for our family. To show your brother that there was such thing as art of grace, and not of filth and debauchery. Instead, you walked away at the height of your career, shaming this family.

Perhaps it was because you were not good enough. I would understand that. You were never as slender as some of the other dancers. Never as flexible. There was always something off with you, and perhaps you finally realized it.

And then you walked away.

I will never forgive you for shaming this family. It’s no wonder that you were alone for so long. Because nobody will want you. You were just like your mother—second rate, second best.

Do what is good for this family, and find a way not to disgrace us. Not to ruin our honor. Do not shame this family. And be better than your mother.

Signed, Loren Cage.

He had actually signed it with a pen, and the angry scrawl looked as if blood had dripped onto the page. Of course, that was only me, putting symbolism on something that wasn’t there.

This man was purely evil, and I still couldn’t believe that he was my father.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

Of all the things he could have done to try to dig into me, calling me graceless or not good enough in dance wasn’t it. Because before everything had changed, I had been one of the top dancers in the country, if not the world.

Isabella, Kyler, Phoebe, and Emily had taught me that I was allowed to be prideful when it came to my talent. I was allowed to show everyone that I was good at what I did.

I was one of the best. I could have gone to other cities. I had been invited to New York and DC. Even to Paris for a summer. But I had stayed with my family because they had needed me. I thought my mother had needed me, but in the end, she had dealt with her own issues. It was only after having the twins, and having to learn to be a single mother, that I realized my mother would always live with her mistakes, but she was trying.

I was not my mother, nor was I my father.

And as I looked down at the hatred in his words, I realized that yes, I was better off alone.

He had never even met Cale. Hadn’t seen the mistake for what it was.

Part of me wondered if he would’ve seen the cruelty beneath. And if he had, would he have done anything? No. I didn’t think so.

And that sickened me like nothing else.

Again, I was better off alone.

Of course, as soon as I thought that, a certain kiss filled my mind.

Had I ever been kissed like that? With such possession, such need? I swallowed hard, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

I shouldn’t have let him kiss me, and yet how could I have said no? Because part of me had wanted that, had thought about it, and then it was a reality.

But as soon as I had put my hands on his chest and pushed, as soon as I had said no, he had stepped away.

Just the act of a man listening to me, it nearly broke me.

I swallowed hard, annoyed with myself. The girls were at a play date, something that had taken all of my will to allow happen. I hated letting them out of my sight, even with the nanny or my mother. But they had wanted to be with their friends, and I had given them a couple of hours. A small sliver of me had wanted to stay at the other house, but I knew that being a helicopter parent wouldn’t help anybody.

So the girls were two blocks away, and I would pick them up soon. And now I was at home, working on household chores, and completely out of my depth.

My phone buzzed, and I groaned.

Of course, the first time that I kissed a man that wasn’t my ex-husband, the first time that I had nearly come just leaning against a wall with a man’s hand on my thigh, my brother had witnessed far too much.

It didn’t help that I had so many brothers that it was hard to stay away from them, but now Dorian knew.

And he had told everybody.