Page 63 of Lavender and Linebackers

We all know when a guy wants us. There’s an edge that forms around them, making them a little stiffer than usual. Their eyes are darker in a way that’s almost a warning, and their breaths become a little more shallow than normal.

This is not what Ryder looks like.

Ryder is not stiff. If anything, he looks a little defeated in a way that tells the world, this girl owns me. His eyes are dark, but they’re soft in a passionate and warm kind of way. His shoulders are loose, almost like they’re curved toward me so he can be closer, and his breaths are steady, content. He blinks, and the action is slow, not sharp and quick.

Almost like he’s waiting.

Which I realize he is.

It isn’t about him wanting me. It’s about him giving himself to me.

And right now, it’s obvious that he wants to give me whatever I want.

But he won’t, and I know, based on what I heard the other night during his talk with Sully, that if I ever want this to happen, if I’m lucky enough to have the privilege of kissing him, I have to initiate it. He won’t do it. He tried once, and knowing what I do now, I know that rejection hit harder than anything he’s ever felt out on the field.

Without overthinking it, I rest my free hand on his arm to lift on my toes, rules be damned, and place my lips on his. They are warm, just like I knew they’d be, full, and the backs of my eyes sting. I never thought I’d get the opportunity to kiss him, yet here I am. Here I am, trying to open this door between us that at one point I know he wanted, but somewhere in the last fifteen seconds, I’m realizing he’s gone as stiff as a board. I know I didn’t read him wrong. I can read him better than anyone. This makes me confused.

Confused and suddenly stupid.

Dropping down to my feet, my eyes squeeze shut, as I can’t bear to see the look on his face. Is he disappointed in me? Is he disgusted by me? Or worse yet, is he amused and indifferent to me? He wanted this too. I know he did. But then again, after all this time, maybe I can’t read him anymore, and now I have no idea how he’s going to react.

Did I just make things worse?

Taking a step back, embarrassment sweeps over me as a lump rises in my throat. I’m about to spin to unlock my door and go hide inside when his fingers pull on my hand to stop me. I’d forgotten that we were still holding hands. Wrapping his free hand around the back of my neck, his fingers tighten a little as he brings me back closer to him. I open my eyes to find them dark. So dark my stomach dips, swirls, and sparks in the most electric way.

And they’re trained on my lips.

Feeling brazen, I take a step toward him and place my hand on his chest. His heart is pounding underneath his shirt, and I need him to know mine is doing the same. Shaking his hand free from mine, I gently move it and place it over my heart. As large as it is, he may as well be palming my breast, but he understands what I’m doing as our eyes lock and hold.

“Please. Kiss me, Ryder,” I whisper.

He inhales sharply, and his gaze bounces back and forth between mine. His hand on the back of my neck tightens, and not wanting to waste any more time, his hand on my chest slides over my breast, across my rib cage, under my arm to my back, where he pulls me up and into him, and his lips close over mine.

Oh God.

I know this kiss is going to ruin me, and I can’t wait to be swept away. Actually, I already have. I’ve waited a lifetime for this kiss, and I want it so, so bad.

Tilting my head, Ryder presses his lips against mine and holds us there. I don’t know if he needs a second to compose himself or if he’s relishing the sensation like I am. Eventually, he pulls back just a little to look at me. His warm breaths hit my mouth, and my free hand moves to cup his cheek at the same time he slides around from the back of my neck and does the same. I breathe him in. A shared breath that holds years of longing. His thumb brushes the corner of my mouth, and I turn to kiss it, while keeping my eyes locked on his.

“Alice.” His rough tone is pleading.

“Ryder,” I respond, moving closer as his name leaves my mouth and brushes against his.

He closes the minuscule distance and again presses his lips to mine. This time, instead of pulling away, he sucks my bottom lip between his, bites it a little, and then runs his tongue over it. A gasp escapes me, opening my mouth, and after what feels like five lifetimes, I’m finally getting my first taste of Ryder.

And it’s even better than I imagined.

He’s not hesitant at all as his tongue dips in to find mine. While they say that first kisses are usually awkward, there is nothing awkward about this one. We’re in sync with each other, as if we’ve been kissing for years, not just moments.

This kiss isn’t rushed. It’s slow, deep, and consuming.

He takes his time exploring my mouth and savoring my lips. From one side to the other, he tilts our heads to try every angle. His tongue leisurely dances with mine, as if he has no other place in this world that he needs to be. And his fingertips grip solidly in my hair. I’m overwhelmed in the best way by being this man’s sole focus. Our surroundings could be going up in flames, and I don’t think he would notice. This makes me feel treasured, wanted, and that’s all I’ve ever dreamed of from him. For him to want me as much as I want him.

Time passes. I don’t know how long, but I do know that my lips are swollen, my skin feels a little tender from the rough edge of where his lips meet his skin, and there’s a light shadow as the stubble from the day has made an appearance. He looks perfect, he feels perfect, and no matter what happens, this was the greatest first kiss of all time.

Lowering back to my feet, he follows and places his forehead against mine. His eyes are shut, and he’s breathing hard, but then again, so am I.

“Thank you, Alice,” he says quietly.