Page 47 of Lavender and Linebackers

He’s just picked up his coat. He’ll need it for the rain, and he turns to look at me. “Alice, huh?” he asks. There’s zero accusation in his expression, only one of curiosity.

I shrug. I don’t really have anything to tell him. He knows she and I have to spend time together. Besides, if Camden thinks it’s good, then it must be, and she’ll like it too.

“Yeah, all right. And if I happen upon the best seafood restaurant in Seattle, don’t wait up.”

“You know we have a curfew, right?”

“Always. But this place will be worth it.” He smiles, grabs the room key, and slides it into the inside pocket of his coat.

“Thanks for the coffee,” I tell him.

“No problem.” And then he’s gone.

The thing about Alice is I find this version of her to be a mystery. I’m still just as intrigued by her as I was for years. Now there’s something different, something new. It’s also hard to hate someone when there’s not much to hate.

My reasons for ignoring her aren’t holding up anymore. Time has passed. We’ve both changed, though I think she has more than I have, and I don’t think I want to be her enemy anymore. First and foremost, we were always friends. She was a good friend. No, she was my best friend. Do I think we could be friends again? I don’t know, and I don’t really want to think about that yet or find out, but that doesn’t mean I need to keep hating her. Acquaintances might be nice.

Might be.

Turning on my iPad, I open up the Mighty Monarch’s website. I’ve read over it all before, but I can’t help but think the answers to my questions are going to be here. It says they held their first camp the summer after her freshman year. Which means she had to have given it a lot of thought leading into it. Was she sick the summer before, like my mom said? Was she struggling over something, and she felt she needed a community or network of people to help her? And the thing I fear the most is, was it because of me?

From there, I flip over to her social media page. There are a lot of pictures posted, and it makes me a little sick to my stomach that I’ve looked at all of them. All the way back to the beginning, and by the beginning, I mean when she started this page. She used to have a different one filled with photos of things we did, but that one is gone. She started this one during the mid-season of her freshman year. Does she look thin? Yes, but she was younger. I can’t tell if that is relevant or if it’s situational.

Staring at the text icon, I give in and open it to her name. There’s not a lot on here. I deleted our text thread when I was blocking her, so all previous messages are gone. Did she delete me too? Or did the new message over the news event appear at the bottom of our previous communications? What were those? They had to have been from before graduation. But then again, if she tried to contact me after I left, those would be there too. I know how seeing those texts would make me feel if our roles were reversed, and as much as I’ve tried not to feel guilty for how things ended, I do.

Giving in to the pull I have to her, I decide to text her. The three-hour time difference means it’s a little later. Maybe she’ll respond, maybe she won’t.

Ryder: Hey, how are you?

I stare at the message, and eventually, the three little dots appear.

Alice: What do you mean?

Of course it’s confusing her that I’m reaching out.

Ryder: Just wondering how you are. And now that your event is over, you must feel some relief. To me, it looked successful.

Alice: It was, and I do. I can’t wait to see them perform at the game.

Ryder: Do you worry about them forgetting the routine?

Alice: Yes. Kelli and I made a few videos to help remind them. Hopefully, they’ll all practice beforehand.

I wonder if these videos will be sent through email only or if she’ll be posting them to social media. Every day there’s a new picture, reel, or video posted to the Mighty Monarch’s page. I know it’s to keep the algorithm going, but it’s been fun to see. There are several with the guys and me in the background helping out. Those have a lot of engagement, and I’m glad that we offered to help.

Ryder: I think it’s great you started this.

Alice: Thanks.

Ryder: Really, I’m blown away. You always talked about being a teacher, but never anything about starting a nonprofit.

There’s a long pause. I don’t know if she’s busy or if she’s contemplating not texting me back. I’m not even sure why I’m texting her. I’m certain she has to be wondering the same thing.

Alice: Back then, I never considered it. Wasn’t anything I ever even thought of, and then one day, I got pulled to fill a need.

Ryder: What kind of need?

My heart starts pounding a bit, wondering if she’ll answer me truthfully. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t. She doesn’t owe me anything, but I really want her to tell me.