Page 29 of Lavender and Linebackers

Collectively, the group moves, and I pull on Alice’s arm to get her to stay back and walk with me. I don’t know why I did this. I’m lucky she didn’t turn around and knee me in the balls. Instead, she looks at me, and no words need to be said. Being here, in this place, it’s getting to her too.

Together, we walk side by side into the gym, like we have a hundred times. Only this time, it’s filled with sorrow, and I guess regret.

Inside the gym, the drumline is playing while they go through the grades to see which is the loudest. It’s one of the many friendly competitive challenges to see who wins the overall spirit stick, which will be announced on Monday after the game. They use this tactic to make sure people show up to the game and support the team.

Coach Ciao wanders into the gym and up to the podium, where he introduces the football team. All of this feels like nostalgia and sensory overload. Even Alice has one hand on the window as she stares inside at the real-life story of our past.

And then it’s our time.

“We are very thrilled to announce our guests for today. You may know their names as they were legendary here on campus, or you may know their names by their successful college careers, or you may know their names because of their new professions with the Tampa Tarpons.” The volume of the crowd increases as I’m thinking they figured it out. “But let’s give a huge Pirates welcome to Alice Monarch and Ryder Monroe!”

I’m shocked by how nervous I feel to walk into this gymnasium full of students all wearing navy and Carolina blue, but I shouldn’t be. As I said, King Silver steals the show as he runs in when we’re halfway to our seats, pushes himself between Alice and me, and then slides across the floor on his stomach as if he’s on a slip-and-slide. Everyone loves it, and several of the football players rush over to dogpile him. It’s one hundred percent something kids would do, and I chuckle at the scene before me.

Way to break the ice.

Two stools sit behind a microphone. Alice and I both settle in as the cheering dies down, and King Silver pushes between some students in the front row to sit down and make himself comfortable. Kids are laughing. They’re all extremely happy.

Alice leans forward. “Wow, now that’s what I call a welcome. Thank you!”

The kids cheer again. She’s so good at public appearances.

“We hear y’all have a big game tonight?”

More cheering. This time, the school administration moves in around us to quiet the kids.

“Yeah, we understand.” I chuckle. “As you know, four years ago we sat right where you are, and today we’re excited to be over here getting to talk to all of you.”

With all the activities of the pep rally, we are given roughly five to seven minutes, and I’ve never been more grateful.

“Let’s talk about sportsmanship.” Alice looks over at me, and our eyes lock. Not a glance, not a part she’s playing for this motivational lesson we’re giving, but a knowing look.

Sportsmanship.

This is the subject they asked us to prepare for, and I feel like karma is coming back to bite me in the ass. In all the years that I’ve played, I’ve prided myself on my good sportsmanship, except for that one time. That one time with Alice. And here we are, and I feel like I’m having to eat crow. I know what I did, and she knows what I did.

It was the last game I saw her at. Sophomore year, Clemson versus Florida at Florida, where I taunted her with the ball. Such terrible sportsmanship and a wave of guilt crashes into me. I was a dick to her, and no matter what happened between us four years ago, it’s inexcusable. I’m going to have to apologize.

One day.

Not today, though.

She keeps going. “The definition of playing with sportsmanship is playing fair, following the rules, and treating everyone—your teammates, your opponents, the fans, and the referees—with respect. But what if you’re a spectator and not playing the sport? Well, it still applies to you as you are there representing your team. That means being supportive, respectful, and creating a positive environment where the athletes feel empowered to play and play well, not humiliated and belittled.”

I lean forward, glance toward the players, and add in, “And if you’re on the field, it’s helping up a player who is down, shaking hands, being gracious if you win or lose, and certainly following the rules.”

“But I thought pirates were outlaws? They sailed the seas to raid ships for treasure and goods.” Alice animates using her hands.

“Not these pirates. Am I right?” I ask the students, and they all cheer as King Silver jumps up and fist pumps the sky.

“Hey, Ryder, tell us, what is not sportsmanship?” Coach Ciao calls out.

I face the guys on the team again. “Trash-talking and taunting the other team. Insulting our opponents or their fans. Arguing with and yelling at the referees because you didn’t like their call. Blaming our own teammate when a mistake is made. We all make them, so calm down and be understanding. Lastly, don’t break the rules and don’t cheat. No one likes a cheater.”

Cheating makes me think of Alice, and I look over at her. Has she been in a relationship? How many? How did they end? Did anyone ever hurt her? Just the thought makes me see red, and then I go to a place I’ve tried hard to stay away from. Has she been intimate with someone? That thought has my stomach bottoming out and aching. An unwanted image of some faceless guy touching her and doing things that I’ve dreamed of doing with her . . . I can’t take it even though I have no right to say one word. Suddenly, I feel guilty.

“You will be there tonight to represent your school. Y’all know what to do,” Alice says, pulling me from my misery.

Dean Rivas approaches. “Any advice for tonight?”