Page 82 of Tiger Lilies and Tight Ends

Hurt and fury bleed together as adrenaline leaks into my veins. This very much feels like a fight-or-flight moment, and as much as I want to run away, I will never again allow a man to make me feel like I’m less. I’ll admit this post Morgan put up isn’t good, but I didn’t do anything wrong.

“Have I borrowed money from you? Have I used who you are to advance anything about myself? Have I asked for anything? You know damn well that I would never say anything like that intentionally. Next to Morgan, you’ve known me longer than anyone else. Yet I’m standing here having to defend my character, and it feels like this is becoming a repeat of my life with Dean all over again.” A laugh barks out of me. “My grand reveal. Are you going to tell me that if I go to the book signing next week, and show people who I really am, that my success will now be because of who you are? Your arrogance right now is really not attractive.”

“Arrogance? Look around, Lily.” He throws his arms out. “This is my house. I’m not the one who showed up on your door begging for a place to stay. You could have gone anywhere, yet you chose another professional football player's house.”

“I wasn’t begging for a place to stay. Lance said you wouldn’t care. How was I supposed to know you would? I thought to myself, here’s a nice opportunity from someone I’ve known for a long time. I’ll take him up on the offer while I figure out what’s next. I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you. I thought you were enjoying your time with me, at least that’s what you said just a few days ago. I guess I was wrong.”

The adrenaline in me has forced everything outside of my heart to go numb. I can’t feel my fingers or my toes. It’s the cracking of my chest wall as I feel embarrassed and ashamed for all of the dreams, concerns, and myself that I shared with him. He thinks I was being fake. He thinks I was setting him up to further myself. He thinks I’ve manipulated him when I’ve done nothing of the sort.

I thought it would be nice to spend some time with him, but I also thought I’d be safe here. I’ve been putting new plans in place for myself and my career. I've been getting up the courage to reenter the world by going outside, to his games, and showing my face without fear of being recognized or judged, that I never thought it would happen inside. Inside these walls. Slowly, I look around the living room, and then my gaze falls on the blue light of the fish tank. Immediately, I find my blue-and-yellow-striped one. It’s staring at me like it knows something is wrong. It’s staring at me like it knows my heart is breaking. It’s staring at me because it knows this is the beginning of the end.

Chapter 36

Tyler

She’s staring at my fish tank. My fish tank that she outed to the world.

Even this morning, as we boarded the bus to the airport, both Bryan and Reid commented on it. They’ve been to my house to pick me up, but neither has been inside. And while they don’t follow Lily’s author accounts, their wives do, and Camille and Lexi both gushed over the fish tank, wanting to know if they could come over and see it. I gritted my teeth as I told them of course. Telling them no would have been rude. After all, I do call them friends.

“I know I said you could live here, but in the course of like a week of us sleeping together, it feels like everything's changed. I understood Morgan coming here. After all, she is your friend, and it’s not realistic to think that you can never invite anyone over, but I thought I was very clear about my privacy. No pictures. Ever. Unless I approved them beforehand.”

Her eyes are glassy, and I know I’ve yo-yoed her emotions, but I just can’t help it. I’m hurt too, and I’m angry and confused. If I lay out all of these incidents in front of me, I feel like I have a right to question her. I let her in, and it feels a lot like I’m being used or played, even if that’s not her intention. But then again, how do I know?

“I wasn’t aware she took them. I’m sorry,” she says, moving into the living room to grab her phone. I watch as she walks back toward me and hits the three little dots in the corner so I know she’s deleting the post. She lays her phone on the island and looks up at me. She’s distraught, I can see it, but she did this to herself.

“How did you not know? You must have let her into the house. Were you not with her the whole time?”

“She did come in for about an hour after we got back from the beach. I told you that.”

She did, but it never occurred to me that I needed to be concerned about what the two of them would be doing. For some reason in my mind, they were sitting in the living room chatting as friends do, or drinking cups of coffee so Morgan was fueled for the road, I don’t know. I just didn’t think they would be taking photos with the intent to share them with the world.

I take a breath as I look around my house. My house, which is my sanctuary. I love everything in here. I love the couch, the colors, the decor that most of I picked out myself, even the backsplash of tile. It’s then I see the pot on the stove and register the smell. It smells Mexican, which means she made me tortilla soup after I mentioned craving it before I left.

Why does she make me these things? It feels very reminiscent of Marissa and how she knew exactly what to do or say to make me fall for her. All these months, I was feeling special, but now I feel deceived. Actually, I just feel confused because as much as the devil on my shoulder is saying she meant to do this, the angel on the other side is saying, “You know her true self.”

“And what, you said, go ahead and take as many pictures of Tyler’s house and his things as you want?”

Her cheeks flush a deep pink. “No. I didn’t tell her anything. I didn’t think I had to. Again, I told her months ago that you were very serious about privacy. I took a call in my room from the bookstore in New York. She must have taken them then.”

My gaze is sharp.

“Lily, you were in one of them.”

“Yeah, the back of me was. I showed her around downstairs, and she asked to see the boat. I didn’t really think to tell my best friend no. I trust her.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.”

I hear the small uptake of air as she sucks it in. She’s staring at me as if she doesn’t know what to say, and I can’t decide if that screams guilty or innocent. When Marissa was first outed, she played up the victim card. She begged, pleaded, and cried to pull on my heartstrings, and she did. It was difficult to see through her bullshit because I had loved her. At least I thought I had. Can you even call what I felt love if the person wasn’t real? If they faked everything? But then, she switched to anger when she didn’t get her way. She was pissed. She called me every name under the sun and said some horrible things to me about the people and the things I hold in high regard.

It was damaging.

Obviously, I’m still damaged. Just the slightest bit of vulnerability with Lily has sent me spiraling into someone I don’t recognize. What I can’t determine is if I have a reason to be spiraling or if I’m overreacting.

“What about buying the flowers? Why are they here? That’s three rules broken in a week, when you didn't break any over the past few months.”

She sniffs and wraps her arms around her middle. She stood like this earlier and I understand it’s a defensive position, but she has some explaining to do. “I promise it’s all coincidental.”

“Coincidental.” I narrow my eyes. “That seems to be the word of the hour. You must know I’ve thought of every scenario imaginable until now. That flight was the longest flight I’ve ever been on.”