Page 55 of Tiger Lilies and Tight Ends

But do I want my world to remain small, or am I ready to make it large?

Could I do it?

Could I finally put my face out there?

“Hey,” Tyler says, moving to stand in front of me. I jump and let out a squeak as I wasn’t expecting him. Today, he had an offensive meeting and then his slotted time with physical therapy and the athletic trainers. “What’s got you so locked in your head that you didn’t even hear me come in?”

He takes a seat in the chair across from me and runs his hand over his hair as he settles in. He’s wearing his typical attire of a Tarpons T-shirt and athletic shorts, and he looks so good, every muscle in my stomach tightens. Dragging my eyes over his large perfect frame, I find familiar dark eyes watching me, and they look concerned.

“I got invited to do a release day book signing,” I tell him, and anxiety shoots through me just saying the words out loud.

His face lights up. “That’s great. Congratulations. Where is it?”

“A book shop in New York City.”

“NYC. Wow. I’m really proud of you,” he says, and while that anxiety does subside a little, my heart squeezes. This. This right here is what it’s supposed to be like when you tell someone something good that has happened. You tell your significant other, your friends, your family, whoever, and their joy for you is full-on evident. Happiness versus selfishness. The good things being embraced versus shot down and diminished. Celebrating you versus making it about them.

My eyes prick with heat because I know Tyler means it. The sincere smile on his face and the endearment in his eyes can’t be faked, and for the first time in my life, I’m feeling what support should feel like.

I look down at my hands, which are still holding my phone. It’s gone to sleep, and I can’t see the email, but I know it’s there. He’s so happy for me, but will he still be just as proud if I don’t go? If I decide I can never show my face?

“I don’t know if I can do it,” I say just loud enough so he can hear me.

“Why not?” he asks, leaning forward in his seat and studying me. His elbows are now on his knees, and his hands are clasped in front of him. I have his undivided attention, and it actually makes me calm and a little nervous at the same time too.

“I don’t know. It’s hard. I’ve spent so many years being invincible or at least trying to be, and then hiding this one thing because I wanted it for me, just me, that I don’t know if I can do it. Exposing myself to the world has never been part of the plan.”

At whatever turmoil Tyler sees on my face, he gets up and comes to sit next to me on the couch. Because I’m in the middle, the couch dips when he sits, and I sway toward him. He places his arm across the back of the couch, and his hand gently pushes on my shoulder so I lean into him. He smells like fabric softener, sporty deodorant, and Tyler. He’s warm and large as he surrounds me, and outside of that one and a half hug, this is the most physical contact and the closest we’ve been since I’ve been here.

I want to melt into him.

Letting out a deep sigh, we sit together curled up in silence while he lets me battle in my mind and pull my thoughts together. Naturally, my hand falls to his leg and rests on top of his thigh. His very muscular thigh. But then he breaks the silence.

“I hear what you’re saying. From what you’ve shared with me, I understand why you kept your identity to yourself before, but now you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Of course we’re all going to support whatever you decide, but I think it would be amazing for the world to get to know the Lily that I know. I know how you feel about your plans, but your plans have been changing, and you’ve been working on an updated version. Maybe this is part of your new plan.”

My new plan.

“Maybe. There’s just no going back once it’s out there.”

My fingertips run across the bottom edge of his shorts, and in return, his run up and down my arm, slipping under the sleeve of my shirt. Goose bumps scatter over half of me, and if he feels them, he doesn’t acknowledge them.

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not sure. It’s just somehow become this big thing. Do I have online author friends who show their face? Yes, but they’re not me. They weren’t dating one of the most well-known football players in the league.”

Tyler scoffs his disapproval.

“You know what I’m saying.”

“I do. But you’re no longer dating him, so you’re free to be whoever you want. You get to define yourself.”

“I have thought about it and what it would be like, but every time I think now might be a good time, I get worried that it’s not.”

“Why would now not be a good time?”

“Ty.” I twist to look up at him, but he keeps his arm wrapped around me. “I live with you. Look at everything that’s been posted over the past couple of weeks. If I do this, they will come for you, too.”

His lips press into a flat line, but then he releases them to breathe in and licks his bottom one. It’s shiny and wet, and what I wouldn’t give to be able to lean in and kiss it.