Page 95 of Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

It’s the first time I’ve admitted this out loud, well, even to myself really. Sure I’d felt it pushing in at the edges, but I wasn’t acknowledging it on purpose. But now it comes so easily, just like taking my next breath, and with it comes peace. Peace from a struggle that I’ve been dealing with for weeks that suddenly doesn’t feel like a struggle at all.

“Then there’s your answer. Life is short, and unexpected things can happen. You know this, so why would you leave them?”

“What about you? We had a plan.”

“Sophie,” he says in his unique way, which tells me he thinks I’m being ridiculous.

“I know. But it’s all we’ve talked about for what feels like my whole life. You and me.”

“Yes, it is what you’ve talked about, and I just went along with it because I know you. You like plans, you like feeling secure. Uncertainty makes you nervous, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you can’t close yourself off from the possibility of great unexpected things because you made a plan. Plans can change.”

I know he’s not wrong, things change all the time, but this isn’t small. It’s huge. I’m pivoting from a dream that I’ve had for more than a decade, and this new direction suddenly makes me want to jump out of my skin as it looks like the adventure of a lifetime.

“But how does that make you feel? You’re my family, don’t you want us to be together?”

“Of course I do. But, Soph, if I’m reading between the lines here, it sounds like between you and me, our family might be growing by three. It’s not just the two of us anymore. You don’t need to worry about me, I have Chrissy now, so it will be the five of us. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

When he puts it like that.

My eyes prick and blur with tears.

“Yeah, it does.”

Jonah and Vivi as my family . . . suddenly my heart calms as it floods with more love for the two of them and all those worries and fears I had for disappointing him subside. Not that I thought he would ever be disappointed with Jonah and Vivi, but more so that he might have been over the loss of our plans. A plan that apparently was just mine.

“I look forward to meeting this young man of yours. Make sure you tell him it’s not personal, but I’m a Vikings fan until the day I die.”

I laugh.

“So what’s he like? What’s the little girl’s name? How did you meet?”

I tell him everything. Well, almost everything, and after twenty minutes of sitting in Camille’s driveway, I finally let him go, knowing that everything will turn out okay.

“You good?” Camille asks. She’s popped her head out and stands in the doorway, swaying back and forth like a new mom does. “The camera went off a while ago that you were here.”

I’m more than good.

“I’m good,” I tell her. “Was just talking to my dad.” I climb out of my car and make my way over to them, my heart suddenly so full, as I realize I’m not going to be leaving her either. “Look at you, little mama,” I say, smiling, as I wrap her and baby Claire in one giant, gentle hug. She’s glowing with happiness, even though there are deep dark circles under her eyes.

“Isn’t it so surreal?” she says, as she looks down at the sleeping bundle in her arms.

“She’s so tiny. I always forget how small babies actually are,” I tell her as we make our way back into the house. Izzy comes running over and I bend down to give her a pet too.

“Tiny, but as much as she eats, she’ll be growing soon enough,” she laughs, patting her bottom.

“How’s it going?” I ask as we make our way toward the kitchen.

“It’s going. When Reid and I got home from the hospital, he set her car seat bucket down on the couch over there. Claire was sleeping and not moving at all, and we just looked at each other like Now what?”

“That’s funny. I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

“We just sat there and stared at her until she woke up. So how are you doing?” she asks again, while reaching in the refrigerator and pulling out a sparkling water. This time her gaze is a little more thorough.

“I feel like this is a trick question.” I grin, feeling lighter than I have in the last month.

She laughs. “I’m just asking because Reid mentioned that Jonah has been a little more quiet than usual. Kind of reminded him of the Jonah he was two years ago. What happened?”

“I got a job in Minneapolis.”