Page 86 of Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

“She did?” I’m shocked. I thought this was something that Camille had found for her or Jonah had commissioned.

“Yes. It was on my wall in my old house. When we moved, Uncle Jonah had them cut the wall so we could bring it.”

Oh, my heart.

I love that he did that.

“Will you read me a story?”

“Of course I will.”

Chapter 34

Jonah

Ishouldn’t be hovering in the hallway, leaning against the wall next to her door listening to them, but how can I not? Do I want to be in there with them? Absolutely. But after what I saw at Sophie’s place earlier today, I can’t stand there as a unified front in Vivi’s eyes with Sophie knowing that we’re not. Well, I don’t know that exactly, but I’m leaning more toward not. It was hard enough to call her over here when I don’t know if that’s the right decision or the wrong one. Then to sit with her on the couch, with Vivi snuggled between us and have them both in my arms in the kitchen, it’s too much. I can’t be a part of a bedtime routine too. I can’t start the image of what life could be like in Vivi’s eyes, knowing that we might not end up that way after all. Because if we were as solid as I thought, why would she have ever gone to that interview?

An interview she didn’t even bother to tell me about.

I don’t think I’ve ever given off the impression that she can’t tell me things. I want her to, just like I’ve been one hundred percent open with her. It feels really shitty knowing that I’m not the person to her that she is to me.

I guess in some twisted way it’s only fair. The first time, I broke her heart. The second time, she breaks mine.

Am I going to be one of these people who indefinitely has their heart broken? How many people need to leave me before I finally say, “No more.”

By the time she comes out of the room, I’ve already moved to mine. Sophie follows the light and finds me sitting propped up against the head of the bed. She pads over and climbs up to sit next to me.

“Thank you for calling me over,” she says, tucking some hair behind her ear. She’s so beautiful, my chest aches fiercely at what it’s about to lose.

I swallow hard. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to be in this situation. That I’ve allowed myself to become so invested in her. “I wasn’t sure if I should have. Probably not, but it is what it is.” I run my hand over my face and then through my hair.

“Jonah—” she whispers.

My eyes find hers. “No more tonight, okay?”

I can’t. I’m emotionally shot. I feel like I’m being pulled in six directions, and it’s too much.

“Okay,” she says, moving to mimic my position. The two of us sit side by side in silence. We lean against the headboard with our legs stretched out in front of us and crossed at the ankles. She’s wearing tiny navy shorts, and my gaze zeros in on our differences. My legs are significantly larger and longer than hers, but her skin looks so smooth and so soft, and my feet are giant, whereas hers are perfect and her toenails are painted pink. Just like her cheeks, she has freckles dusted across her thighs, and they’re still tan from our trip to the beach. I love her legs. I love everything about her.

How am I going to tell Vivi she’s leaving?

How am I going to say goodbye?

Pulling me from my own internal meltdown, she asks, “How did the whole Wildflower nickname come about?”

“When she turned one, I flew home for her birthday party. Of course I’d seen daily pictures of her from my brother and on social media, but I was shocked at how much she had grown. I made the comment that she’s growing like a weed, and Ashley looked at her and said, ‘Not a weed, but maybe a wildflower.’ It kind of stuck after that, and I’ve called her Wildflower ever since.”

“It really is a cute nickname,” she says, fidgeting with the hem of her shorts.

“Ashley thought so too, and the older Vivi got, the more they incorporated wildflowers into her room and everyday life. She used to have a wildflower backpack for school, I have no idea what happened to it.”

“I can’t believe you had the wall cut and transported to Tampa.” Both of us look toward the doorway as if we can see into her room. There was no way I was leaving that wall behind. At five, she didn’t understand why I had to have it, but I know she'll want it as she gets older and one day moves into her own place.

“Yeah, that wasn’t the easiest, but money talks.”

I knew a guy from college who had a younger brother. I hired a contractor to cut the wall and then replace the missing piece. He carefully wrapped the portion of the wall and I rented a U-haul. That friend’s brother drove the wall from Boston to Tampa and took it to a framing place I contacted. That day, I put him on a plane and sent him home, the wall became artwork for Vivi’s room, and with the help of a few of the guys from the team, we got it hung up where I wanted it to be. I wanted her to have a piece of her mom and her home so things wouldn’t feel so new and different. I have caught her staring at it quite a few times, and I always wonder what she’s thinking.

“Are you okay?” Sophie asks. I can feel her looking at me, so I look back and wonder how she can ask me that.