Page 89 of Hats off to Love

“No, I’m sorry. I unknowingly hurt you, and I didn’t mean to.”

I love how he’s trying to claim some of the responsibility in this, but it is all on me. Then again, maybe his apology has more to do with the situation in general than this one specific moment. How did I ever peg him so differently?

“Stokes, this, us . . . it wasn’t fake, was it?” I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time but also fearful at the same time.

A chuckle breaks free in his chest. Pulling back, he looks down at me so I can see him, really see him, and he says, “It was never fake for me, not one second of it. To me, it was like finally having a dream come true.”

“Stokes . . .”

The lump in my throat cuts off my words. My whole body is shaking, and I grip his shirt to hold myself steady. He raises one hand, tucks some loose hair behind my ear, and wipes away the tear tracks that he sees. His gaze is adoring as it touches upon features of my face I know he knows by heart, and, needing more of him, I rise up on my toes, press my lips briefly to his, and then drape my arms over his shoulders so I can hold him tight. He returns my embrace, and I drown in the best smell ever—him.

Those butterflies that grew and grew over our time together . . . there’s no flapping of their wings today. Instead, they are sitting and enjoying the show. They’ve sighed with relief and feel not anxious but at peace.

Loosening my hold on him, I ask the question that’s been bothering me for hours.

“Why didn’t you tell me about quitting the firm? Taking over here? I had to hear it from someone else when news of these exciting life changes should have come from you. All this is happening, and I didn’t get to share these moments with you.”

He pulls away from me but holds on to one hand to keep us connected, and he shakes his head. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I did, but I had a plan. In my mind, all of this was coming together perfectly. In retrospect, it’s dumb.”

His plan.

“What was it?” I ask as a breeze blows by. The air isn’t cool; it’s pleasant as summer is just around the corner, and it ruffles his hair, somehow making him more real to me.

Taking a deep breath, his gaze affectionately sweeps over my face, and then he takes a small step backward, still holding my hand, and kneels. He’s kneeling and looking up at me in a way that only means one thing.

I gasp and pull my hand free from his as both of mine fly to my mouth. My poor broken heart starts to rewind as the pieces float back together, making it whole.

Should I say something? Should I do something? I don’t know, so I stand here frozen, but I am loving the blazing sparks of complete adoration shooting from my head to my pinky toes.

Silence stretches as he continues to gaze up at me. The emotion in his eyes is raw, exposed. Whatever he’s about to say, his vulnerability is back and rushing toward me.

“It was never a secret that I would one day be taking over the farm. When I was going to do so was never discussed, and as it turns out, it was my mother who was waiting on me all along. She was waiting for me to be ready, and over the last couple of weeks, this desire to do so has been all-consuming. I want it so badly. It’s like that kiss at the party woke me up, and I knew not only was it time to make a change, it was also time to claim my life, and that meant you too.”

He holds out his hands, and I lay mine on top of his. His thumbs gently brush over them.

“Rosie, I love you. I have loved you for over twelve years. I know at times it may not have seemed that way, but I did, and I’ve always been in the background hoping one day you would realize it too. For some, this may seem fast, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I’ve always known. I’m not suggesting we get married tomorrow, but you are it for me, all I have ever wanted. It was important to me to go all in with this, because I’m all in with you, and I was hoping you’d appreciate how serious I am.”

He lets out a deep breath but continues to watch me.

“I wanted to surprise you. I wanted the transition to be complete, wanted to show you I’m ready for a future, a future that is for us. No more law firm. No more trying to prove to others that I’m good enough. Just no more. It’s like one day I no longer cared about what anyone else thought, just you. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited to tell you, but I wanted to show you the kind of man I am and the one you inspire me to be. In my mind, I wasn’t just giving you me . . . I was giving you our future, too.”

I stare at him and process what he’s just said. It makes sense, and now I understand.

“When you put it like that . . .” I whisper, feeling in awe of his declaration.

His eyes are shiny, his heart is laid bare at my feet, and not once do I tear my eyes away from him. This connection is one I want to grasp onto, bottle and keep.

“I know I’m not the easiest person in the world, but I told you at the beginning of all this that I would do better and be better, and that is my promise to you. For you, I would do anything. I love you, desperately. Do you love me, too?”

“Oh, Stokes.” I fall to my knees and wrap my hands around his face. “You know I do. I love you so much that sometimes I don’t even know what to do with myself. You’re not alone in this. I loved you when I was younger, I love you fiercely now that we’re older, and as for the middle part, you’ve always been my person, too.”

Stokes’s arms band around me, he pulls me flush against him, and we’re hugging so tight it’s as if we’ve fused ourselves together to become one. I want to hold on to him forever, and a bubble of laughter rises up in me, because now I know I can.

“Marry me?” he asks. “Spend your life with me. I promise I’ll give you the best life I can.” He speaks the words into my skin with his lips brushing my neck. They feel tattooed, imprinted, permanent just like he is.

“Yes,” I reply breathlessly. “Yes, I’ll marry you, but Stokes, I already have the best life because I have you.”

A tremor runs through his body and straight into mine.