Page 83 of Chasing Clouds

Letting out a deep sigh, he scrubs his uninjured hand over his face and sits back farther into the couch. “I owe you an apology.”

What? He doesn’t owe me an apology; I owe him one—no, I owe him a thousand apologies. He did nothing wrong. This is all on me. I shake my head, because truly, I don’t want it. I just want him, and I’m so happy he’s here.

“Yes. I shouldn’t have said the things I said to you. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, and I should have taken the time to listen to you.” His eyes are so remorseful it nearly rips my heart out. “I know I’m an in-your-face type of person and have a tendency to be overbearing, but that doesn’t excuse it. I took things too far, which resulted in you completely shutting down on me. Who could blame you? I don’t. You deserved better, and I’m sorry.”

“I was on my way to you,” I blurt out.

“You what?” His brows rise up his forehead and his fingers curl into his palms.

“Yeah, see, the thing is . . .” I scoot closer to the edge of the couch and a little closer to him. “I’m not done fighting for you.”

Surprise flashes through his eyes. It’s only there for a split second, but I see it.

“Fighting for me?” he questions, his lips twitching as he tries not to smile.

“Yes.” I want to tell him everything, need to tell him everything. No secrets, no more. “Patrick came here yesterday and told me what he did.”

Reid’s lips press into a flat line and he looks away. I understand why the mention of Patrick would make him react this way, but I need him to believe I wasn’t part of it.

“I swear, I didn’t know about the papers, and when you said it was my fault, I should have pushed you harder for an explanation.”

His eyes slide back to mine and I twist my fingers in my lap. I’m apprehensive. He makes me jittery. I don’t want to say anything that might upset him and make him want to leave.

“It wasn’t your fault, and your grandfather paid me a visit yesterday, too.” His voice is deep, smooth, forbearing.

“He did?” I sit up a little straighter.

He nods.

That means Reid knows, and relief trickles in. He knows I wasn’t being deceitful, knows I wasn’t being dismissive of our time together and am still in this, more than ever. But, he still needs to understand that I’m always going to fight for him, too.

“I’m glad to hear that and I hope he was able to ease your mind about a few things, but even if he hadn’t, I was still coming for you.”

He doesn’t say anything, just chews on the inside of his cheek.

“The thing is, I hate conflict and confrontation. It’s always been in my nature to bow out, whether I just decide to go with the flow or remove myself completely. But, I do realize that by forfeiting, I’m not allowing my voice to be heard, and for too long, I’ve had to accept that. Not today, though—not about this. You aren’t just important to me, Reid, you are everything. When it comes to you, I will never be quiet, never again, because I get it. I get you, and I know who you are, inside and out. You’re the rock for everyone in your life. You’re protective, and you give and give and give. I want to be that for you if you’ll let me.”

The grandfather clock from the formal living room chimes as Reid stares at me. His body has gone tight, his chest rising and falling at a faster rate, but instead of responding, he just swallows. Heat suffuses my body. It starts in my toes and rises inch by inch until I’m covered with a full body flush. I thought it would be harder to put myself out there, but it wasn’t, not with him. He’s worth it, even if I do feel like every emotion, thought, and part of me is enlarged and exposed.

“Also, I’m sorry, too—for so many things.” I glance away and my eyes find the water glass. Condensation has built up on the outside and is slowly rolling down to the table. “I know I was wrong to mislead you about Clare. From the start, I should have told you about her.”

Mentioning the loss of Clare in combination with the anguish of how Reid and I ended two weeks ago, how desperately I missed him, and having him here to pour my heart out to, I’ve reached the pinnacle of my emotional stability, and it teeters. Feeling as bare as I do to the one person I feel the safest with, tears fill my eyes and begin to fall. I can’t help it; there’s no stopping them.

Leaning forward, his large hand covers both of mine. It feels so comforting to be touched by him, and I want to climb into his lap and melt into his body. His fingers brush over the wedding band I’m still wearing, and he lightly gasps as he looks down and sees it. I don’t feel bad for wearing it, and I won’t. He pauses before he looks back up at me.

“I would have liked to have heard about her from you,” he says, being the support he’s always been to me. I don’t want this to be about me; I want it all to be about him because I love him, but I know he needs to know this last part of me before we can even consider moving forward. It’s too big. It’s too much a part of who I am and why.

Taking a deep breath, I look back at Reid and see the sadness I feel reflected in his eyes. He hurts for me, and that nearly brings me to my knees.

“It’s so complicated. All of it is, and that makes it hard.” I roll my lips between my teeth.

“Why don’t you start by telling me what happened.”

“You don’t know?” I ask him, surprised.

He shakes his head. “My stubborn personality had me convinced I didn’t need to know. I thought I knew enough, and since we were done, I chose not to look it up.”

“Oh.”