Page 31 of Chasing Clouds

I’m trying hard not to feel annoyed, wanting to be appreciative instead. Billy is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Instead of a team mom, he’s like a team dad, and he’s always doing things for the guys, remembering birthdays and other random stuff. Plus, his wife, Missy, is just the sweetest. I was just hoping to keep this marriage a little more on the down-low, not shove it out in the open so much.

“I’ll text him later and thank him.”

Then it occurs to me: the team PR representative will probably be there, and this will satisfy the higher-ups. It’ll get them off my back, at least for now. Billy suddenly becomes one of my favorite people.

“All right, I’ll get out of the way, but tomorrow we need to be in the gym by seven.”

“Yeah, I’m in.” I haven’t been in two days and I can feel the stalled energy building up in my system. I need to work out, and hard.

“Come on, Zeus, it’s time for a walk.” The dog’s ears perk up and he trots to the door. “We’ll catch y’all later.” With a flick of his wrist, they’re gone, and the door slams behind him.

“I’m sorry about that.” I release Camille and step away from her.

“Don’t be. He seems nice.” She runs her hand through her hair, and the scent of coconut drifts my way.

“He is nice. We’re kind of like roommates who aren’t actually roommates. I’ll make sure he doesn’t walk in again, just in case.”

Her cheeks turn a nice shade of pink, but she smiles at me gratefully. Really, I just want her to feel comfortable here. I want her to feel like my home is her home, at least while she’s staying in it.

“So what do we do now?” she asks, looking around and eyeing the couch. After the shitstorm of communication I’ve received today, plus Patrick this morning and on her phone—which she hasn’t made a move to power back on—it’s obvious neither of us wants to leave.

“How do you feel about a Netflix binge and food delivery?”

She lights up. “Sounds perfect. I think I’ll change my clothes first and get more comfortable.”

The thought of her taking her clothes off just one room away has me fisting my hands. Images of her from last night flash through my mind, and I swallow at the thought of touching her bare skin again. Swallowing down the desire that just came over me, I inwardly scold myself. This girl doesn’t need me adding to her already confusing situation or making her feel awkward. As I realized this morning, she needs a friend—just a friend. “Yeah, I’ll do the same.”

“Thank you, Reid.” She smiles, and I can’t help but watch as she walks down the hallway and disappears into her room.

THROUGH THE WALLS of the condo, I hear Reid’s alarm go off. It’s six-thirty. In. The. Morning. This is the start of my new routine. I say mine, because I’m pretty certain he already maintained this schedule before I showed up.

Every morning he starts his day with a huge helping of scrambled eggs, vegetables, and a protein shake, a breakfast he’s previously made and portioned out. Then he’s out the door and off to the team’s training facility with Jack. Four and a half hours later they return and he makes another huge protein shake. After that, he and Jack watch game films of other teams and specific players. Usually they eat lunch together then both head off to take a nap. For dinner, I cook for us, not because I feel I have to, but because he’s been so kind to me and I want to. We eat dinner, watch some TV, and then head off to bed.

I’ve never given much thought to what it’s like being a professional athlete, but he’s extremely dedicated to his career and his lifestyle. From the hours he puts in and the amount of sleep he gets to the total ratio of grams of protein, carbohydrates, and fat, he’s totally committed, and I see why he said he doesn’t have time for relationships. Plus, this is just the offseason.

As for me, I don’t know what I’m doing.

We got here on Sunday, and now it’s Friday.

Day after day, I wander around his condo, looking at his things. I try to keep my stuff hidden and out of his way; he was so kind to bring me here, and I don’t want to implode his life or wear out my welcome. I’ve admired all the little things he has that make the condo his, but it still feels kind of sterile, more like a fancy hotel suite than a home. Mentally, I’ve redecorated some of it with pieces I could make, and maybe toward the end of our time together I’ll approach him about it as a way to say thank you.

Eventually, I turned my phone back on and deleted every message and every text. I didn’t listen to or read a single one of them, no matter who it was from.

Guilt is a funny thing. Even though I know I wasn’t wrong in not marrying Patrick, all week I’ve been second-guessing how things went down. Mentally, I’ve been creating pro-and-con lists in my head, like: he was my friend and I loved him, but if he loved me then why did he treat me so terribly? I broke my word when I told him I was in this for life, but he broke his word to me the minute he touched my cousin. I also know Patrick and my father never would have let me leave that church without saying “I do” to someone. Too many of their friends were there, and a canceled wedding to one of their own because I changed my mind about Patrick is way more offensive than me supposedly falling in love with someone else. They would have called it cold feet, and they would have forced my hand. It had to happen this way with Reid, or it wouldn’t have happened at all. I keep trying to remind myself that things will be okay, that I will be okay, but by changing the path my life was on, I feel like I’ve somehow altered my character, who I am at the core.

Maybe that’s a list I should be working on: who am I, and what’s important to me?

“Camille?” Reid calls from the door of the condo.

“In the kitchen!”

Zeus, who’s been staying here with me and keeping me company while the guys are gone, hears the door open and Reid’s voice at the same time. Ears perk up, tail starts wagging, and he takes off to find him.

“Hey, Zeus. You keeping my girl company?” he says, speaking softly to him.

My girl.

I know he’s just talking to the dog, but hearing him think of me that way, even if it’s not in a romantic way, has me unlocking emotions that have been shut away for a long time.