Page 16 of A Haunting at Keystone Manor

Jake

No, I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll ever truly be ready to see how I died, but I know it needs to happen. Maybe it doesn’t need to happen today, though.

I suck in a deep breath, trying to buy myself time. “I don’t know,” I whisper, feeling like a coward. Alex faced his death head on, I should be able to do the same.

“Can I hold your hand?” Alex asks, and I nod. He rubs his thumb over my fingers, a soothing gesture that I appreciate right now. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We’re ghosts, it’s not like we’re going anywhere, right?”

“You were so brave. I feel like an idiot right now,” I admit.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I had a lot more time to come to terms with being dead. You died only a few days ago. It’s not the same.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine waking up like that and not having anyone.”

“It’s okay. I have you now. And Seth and Brandon.”

I close my eyes and try to steady myself. I try not to imagine all the horrific ways Andrei might have killed me. If he killed me. I don’t think I would have hurt myself, and no one else knew I was here other than Kayla. Nausea roils in my stomach as I think about the last time he punished me for being defiant. What if he simply went too far this time? I don’t know why I’m so scared to face it, it’s not like he hasn’t hurt me a thousand times. It would be nothing new.

“I don’t want to waste your time, Seth.”

“It’s no problem, bro. You should only do this when you’re ready. If that’s not today, that’s okay. Coming back out here wouldn’t exactly be a hardship.”

I nod, relieved. “Thanks. Maybe we can try again tomorrow? I’m just… not in the right head space at the moment. I thought I was.”

“No worries. I’ll come back tomorrow. And if you still can’t do it then, don’t push yourself, okay? It’ll happen at the right time.” Seth gathers his stuff and heads out with Brandon. I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m safe for one more night.

Alex reaches a hand for my face, and I flinch, not expecting the sudden movement. He sucks in a breath and quickly puts his hands in his lap.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay. Not your fault. I’m just… tired.” I clear my throat, shame consuming me. I don’t want him to think he’s at fault for anything.

“You know I would never hurt you, right?” I don’t know that, I want to say. That’s what everyone says, and then they do it anyway. But he feels different. I want so badly to trust him. I’ve already trusted him with more of my truths than I ever thought I’d share with anyone, and so far he hasn’t thrown them back in my face. “That was probably a stupid question. You have no reason to trust me. You barely know me,” he says when I don’t answer.

“I want to trust you,” I admit. It’s the best I can do right now. Anything else would be a lie.

“That’s a start.” He smiles, and I love the way it crinkles the edges of his eyes.

“You know, there was a time when I was confident, carefree. I didn’t worry about people moving too quickly, or getting too close.” I wring my hands in my lap. “Before… him. God, he took so much from me. I didn’t even realize.”

“Can I touch you?” he asks, and I love that he actually asked me for permission. I stare at him for a moment, and he doesn’t move a muscle.

“What happens if I say no?”

“Then I keep my hands to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love touching you. I love being around you. That night you danced with me was the best night I’ve had since I woke up dead. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, ever. If you tell me to fuck off, I will. I might not be the best at reading signals, but I won’t force myself on you, you know? Even if we are stuck at this hotel together.”

Sincerity drips off of every word he speaks. “Touch me.”

Ever so slowly, he brings his hand up to my face, caressing my cheek with the gentlest of touches. I’ve never felt anything quite like it, and I don’t know how to process it.

“Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect.”

The smile he gives me makes my heart swell. I want him to touch me every day if it’ll keep that look on his face.

“Do you want to take a walk with me? Get some fresh air?”

“Sure.” He grabs my hand and drags me outside, to one of the beginner trails that snakes through the trees. It’s quiet, and there’s not another soul in sight. I like that he’s looking out for me. If I had my way I’d probably hide in my room forever, but Alex is determined to push me out of my comfort zone.