Page 74 of Resurgent

Letting my gaze drift to where I imagine him sitting, his eyes fully focused on me, exactly the way I used to love being watched.

The shape sitting there shifts, and I imagine a body dressed in all black, hair wild from being under a helmet as he races the wind down the long winding roads.

Gods, I shouldn’t want it to be him, but try as I might, his face is the only one I can picture.

“Come here,” I say, and I can’t help the smile I feel when he takes two solid steps in my direction.

He rises.

“What do you want?” he asks, his voice a little deeper than it is in real life.

I turn my head just enough to look at him.

“A massage.”

His mouth twitches, “A massage, huh?”

“Mmhmm."

"Seems innocent enough."

"I didn’t tell you where I wanted your hands.”

His low grumble sends a wave of excitement through me that I haven’t felt in far too long.

“I can’t touch you,” he mumbles, and if possible, dream me is almost as embarrassed as real me would be in this situation…that is, until his now gravelly voice continues, “Gods do I want you, but I can't touch you. What else do you want?”

“I want their voices replaced in my head. I don’t want their hands to be the last ones I remember on my body. I want you—Gods how I've wanted you.”

Both admissions are painful to say out loud, but here, in the confines of my mind, I can finally voice the truths I’ve been trying to avoid.

Letting out a deep sigh, he turns to look at me, his eyes connecting with mine, and I can’t help but smile, seeing his hunger mirror my own.

“I can't be the one to replace their touch—but, I’ll be the voice in your head if that’s what you need.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ll talk you through it, Ms. Corvin. I’ll tell you exactly how I’d be touching you if I could.”

My breath hitches, and for a second, I’m scared I’m going to wake up. Just then, his voice picks back up. “If that’s what you want, then show me what you like.”

Embarrassment consumes me for only a second before I’m untangling my hands from the sheets and sliding my fingers against my clit.

Maybe it’s the thrill of being watched that I’ve gotten for far too long mixed with it being by the man who’s already sworn he won’t touch me, or maybe it’s the knowledge that despite handing over my power, I'm in control here.

Finding my rhythm, I can’t help the little noises escaping me as I move my fingers back and forth. I'm just about to push the tip of one finger inside of myself when he breaks the silence.

“That's enough. Now, tell me what you like.”

I raise an eyebrow, a snappy comment on the tip of my tongue when he moves to take the corner chair out from the wall and settles into it a few feet from the edge of my bed.

“Tell me what you like, Annalise, and then we’ll go over the rules.”

“Rules?” I scoff, ready to tell this version of him to fuck off before rolling over to find a new dream.

“The rules are so you’re able to feel safe while I help give you what you need. I won’t push you further than you’re comfortable with, but I need to hear what else you like.”

Shocked by his words, I nearly forget the first part of what he said. “Honestly, I’m not sure what I like anymore. I’ve always liked the thrill of being caught or being watched.”