Page 6 of Playing the Player

I shove my phone back into my pocket just as Diane appears carrying a tray with a muffin and a bottle of water. She sets the tray in the middle of the table, taking the seat opposite me. “I didn’t order-”

“I know.” She places the tray in front of me before sitting in the seat opposite. “You forget to eat when your head gets too loud.”

A small laugh escapes me. “Thank you.”

Diane points to the chair I’m sitting on. “This is where Josh sits whenever life gets too heavy.” My smile falters, fading just as quickly as it had appeared. “What’s going on, Muffin?”

“I, uhm,” I trail off, trying and failing to get my thoughts into order, the words getting stuck between my brain and my mouth. Dee waits. She doesn’t rush me. She doesn’t judge. She just sits there patiently. I know what I want to say, I just can’t untangle it. I let out a long, deep sigh, “I’m really struggling, Dee.” I tap my finger against my head. “There’s just too much in here.” Diane doesn’t ask me what I mean. She already knows.

“Okay, Conor.” Her voice is gentle, calming. “Take a breath for me, sweety.” I inhale until my lungs ache, breathing in as deeply as I can, clenching and unclenching my hands beneath the table, something I’ve always done whenever everything became too loud. “Tell me what’s happened.”

There’s something about Diane that makes you want to tell her all your secrets. Maybe it’s the warmth in her hazel eyes, or the kindness that’s always in her smile. Or maybe it’s simply because she’s never judged me.

“Olivia had a baby and Josh hasn’t been playing hockey and I barely see him anymore.” I start, my words coming out faster than I mean them to. “Coach is actually happy for once, Knight is moving into my building and I haven’t been with a girl for months so I can’t relieve any of that tension.” I’m breathless by the end, my words coming out all jumbled and stuttered. “My brain just… won’t stop.”

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was six years old. Growing up with it wasn’t easy. It’s been a struggle. There are medications out there to help, but my parents didn’t believe in them. To them, it was all fake, a placebo, a trick your brain played on itself. Because of that, they refused to pay any money towards medications.

I don’t have the same belief as them. I believe medication is designed to help you manage your struggles, but by the time I turned eighteen and was able to make my own medical decisions, I had learned how to cope well enough that medication didn’t seem necessary. Why should I take away the chance of some other kid getting help when I didn’t need it.

Most days, I manage. But it’s times like this, when there’s too much change happening all at once, that I can't think straight. I get angry, frustrated and I feel like my brain could explode.

“Is any of the usual stuff helping?” Diane asks in that sweet, calming voice, pulling me out of my head.

“No. Listening to music takes the edge off but the noise is still there.”

I told Dee about my ADHD a couple of years ago. Apart from Coach and the management team, Diane is the only other person who knows.

I don’t even know why I haven’t told anyone. I guess I’m sort of embarrassed. I don't need people looking at me or treating me any different. I don’t want ADHD to be the first thing people think about when they see me.

“You need a distraction.” Diane tells me, taking my hand across the table and giving it a rough but comforting squeeze. “Something that’ll give your brain a chance to slow down.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Do something fun. Go to the movies or the beach.”

“Do you not know me at all?” I tease, slipping my confident mask back on. “I can’t sit through a twenty minute episode of Family Guy and sand makes me want to peel my skin off.”

“Fine, smartarse.” She huffs, “What’s your idea of fun?”

I have some ideas that I consider to be fun, but I don’t think Dee would appreciate those. Before I can think of something appropriate to say, the bell above the coffee shop door chimes. Instinctively, I glance over. A woman walks in, dark hair, sun-kissed skin, fucking breathtaking.

Every thought in my head disappears. I don’t even realize that I’m staring until Diane clears her throat, breaking me out of the trance I seemed to find myself in. A slow smile spreads across my face as I look at the woman again, taking every delicious inch of her in.

“I think I have an idea.”

3

Sasha

After such a shit day at the office, I’m in need of some serious retail therapy. But first, coffee. By the time I finally escaped work, it was almost 6pm and I silently thanked the Gods for keeping Buttons and Books open later than all the other cafes around here.

I should probably eat something too. My stomach has been growling at me since lunchtime, but right now, caffeine outranks food by a mile. It’s fine though, I’ll just grab some take out on my way home.

Opening the door to Buttons and Books, the heavy aroma of fresh coffee hangs thick in the air, mingling with the scent of sweet baked goods. I am so in love with this coffee shop.

I have lived in Florida for almost five years now, and it wasn’t until Olivia showed me this place last year that I even knew it existed. I was seriously missing out. I swear, this place is like my second home at this point.

One deep inhale in this place was enough to kick start my brain back into focus after a long grueling day of mind-numbing tasks, endless phone calls, and having to listen to Larry’s nasally voice booming through the walls.