Page 103 of Playing the Player

Two weeks ago Josh finally asked Liv to marry him. And somehow, they’ve gotten even more obsessed with each other since that day. It’s beautiful and I hope Conor and I will be like that in a few years. Deep down, I know we will.

“Mmm, I don’t know.” I tease, “I bet if you started dating one of these guys you would at least be on the same level.”

“Yeah, baby, show them what you’ve got!” Olivia screams towards the ice.

Charlie and I both wince, turning our stare away from our friend. “Okay, maybe not that bad.”

“I wouldn’t even dream of dating any of these guys.”

“Are you crazy? Look at them,” I wave my hand towards the players on the ice, “each and every one of these guys are sex on legs.”

“Do you really think Josh would allow anyone on his team to get within sniffing distance of me?”

“You do have a point there.” I agree, “But, Josh doesn’t need to know.” I waggle my eyebrows at her but she just scowls at me. “What about Johnson? He’s cute.”

“Cute because he’s still a child.” Charlie deadpans.

“He’s twenty-three.”

“Exactly.”

“Fine.” I grumble. “Oh! What about Knight? That man is gorgeous.”

“That man is an asshole.”

I eye her suspiciously. “What’s your beef with him?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look like you want to murder him every time you see him. What’s that about?”

Charlie doesn’t answer straight away, but then sighs dramatically and slumps in her seat. “That is a long story and would be better shared over alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.”

The referee's whistle echoes through the arena, ending our conversation and pulling everyone’s attention onto the ice. Everyone is eagerly waiting for the puck drop, their attention firmly stuck on center ice.

I don’t watch what the rest of the arena is watching, instead, I watch him. Six months ago, I was waiting in the hospital, unsure if Conor was ever gonna play hockey again. Six months ago we were pretending. Pretending that we were in love and pretending that we didn’t want forever.

Now, there wasn’t a single fake thing left between us.

Conor’s eyes meet mine one last time. There it is…that fear again. Not fear of the game, but fear of failing. Fear that he won’t be the player he used to be.

I smile at him again and give him the smallest nod. You can do this.

That’s when I see it, the shift. That’s when I see the player that’s always been inside him come back to the surface. His eyes turn focused, his shoulders relax, he nods once, and then he’s off.

I love every single version of Conor that he has to offer, but the one that’s on the ice right now, that’s the one I fell in love with.

I watch him skate around the ice with tears in my eyes. My heart somehow seems calmer than it has done all day. Conor moves with ease over the ice as if he’d never left. There’s not a single shred of fear left in him now. All that remains is determination.

It doesn’t matter if the team wins or loses tonight. What does matter is that he’s back, and afterwards, he’s coming home to me.

I smile to myself as he swipes the puck off the other team, moving with expert precision down the ice.

It’s funny how the greatest love story of my life started with a lie and ended with the most honest thing I have ever said.

I love you.

I used to think I was in love, that I had the whole world, but none of that compares to what Conor and I have. I have finally found the person that makes every ordinary moment feel like home. I have finally realized that home wasn’t just a place, it was a person.