Page 49 of Curveball

When I was with Walker, my mind quieted, my world felt steady and right. I felt like I could breathe. It was what I had been missing and searching for over the last nine years.

I’d told myself our love was young—built on friendship and infatuation—and unlikely to stand the test of time. I took a risk and stepped out of his shadow to pursue my own dreams. I thought I would eventually find that all-consuming love again, but it would be 'mature' or whatever the hell I thought that meant. Turned out, I never found it. I tried, but no one had ever made me feel the way Walker had. And he needed to know that.

After spending the next several hours doing my blue tape inspection, because as I said, I had to rescan everything three times, I wandered outside toward the vineyard in hopes I would run into Walker. He often came out to help Travis. I briefly scanned the fields, not seeing anyone, so I made my way into their large cellar, where I found Travis.

Still no Walker.

Travis looked up when he heard me approach. "Hey Farrah, how's it going? The tasting room is looking great, I can't believe it's already almost done."

I nodded and smiled. "Thanks, you already had great bones in that room, it just needed a fresh update." I began toying with a bottle of wine he had set on his large workbench. "Have you seen Walker? I was hoping to catch him today."

I was sure it was strange for our families that we were on good terms again.

"He left for Austin early this morning, but I'm sure you can just text or call him if you need him." He smiled.

My stomach sank, the disappointment settling heavy in my gut.

It was happening again.

The difference this time was that I knew I hadn’t imagined it. I knew what I’d felt. I knew what I’d been ready to say.

And he’d still left.

Chapter 23

Walker

Ineeded distance. Space to clear my head after what went down with Farrah the night before. As much as I wanted her, I wasn’t prepared for how fast things had escalated.

I was still wrapping my head around the fact that Farrah and I were speaking again, yet I couldn’t seem to control myself whenever we were alone.

It was a problem.

And it wasn’t just about Farrah anymore. When Hadley had fussed over the monitor, everything had suddenly felt real in a way I hadn’t expected. There was a child involved now. I caught myself imagining mornings, routines, a place in her life. Hadley raised the stakes past what I believed I could handle.

I wasn’t in the greatest headspace. I was recovering from an injury and standing on the brink of retirement. I wasn’t the same man I used to be—the man Farrah believed I still was.

Farrah and Hadley deserved more. They deserved someone present. Steady. Every. Single. Day. And the life I kept imagining would always be scheduled around baseball. That wasn’t fair to them.

And if I were being truly honest, I didn’t trust myself to survive losing Farrah again. Because this time, I wouldn’t just lose her. I’d lose everything.

I wiped a towel across my forehead before grabbing another swig of water. I’d snuck in a workout at the team’s gym. With everyone still on their way back from a road game, I knew I’d have the place to myself.

It felt good to be back at the team’s facilities, back in Austin. Primrose Hill was home, but Austin fed that competitive, driven side of me. Being here reminded me of what I was working to get back to.

I glanced at my phone to check the time. I was meeting some of the guys for dinner tonight. I missed my teammates, and I figured it’d be the best way to get me out of my head for a little while.

I was also secretly hoping a text from Farrah would appear. I felt bad about the way I’d left things. The number of times I’d typed out a message only to erase it was becoming comical. And slightly pathetic.

I wasn’t sure where to go from here or what to say, so I decided it was for the best if I didn’t reach out until I had my head on straight.

My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart jumped, hoping it was Farrah, only to sink when I saw a text from my dad.

Dad: Hey, Walk. Farrah was looking for you today. Thought you should know.

I scrubbed a hand down my face. Fuck. I hadn’t thought Farrah would come to me after everything I’d said. I’d assumed she’d wait until I came to her. That had always been her MO. She wasn’t confrontational—she was reserved, careful. I usually had to pull things out of her.

So, this was different.