Page 60 of My Orc Package Deal

I waited, but she didn’t continue. Finally, I prompted her. “Because what?”

“Well…” Another sigh. “I’m not Sharra.”

The sound of my dead Mate’s name on Kesha’s lips had me jerking upright, even though it moved my head away from her touch. “What? Of course you’re not.”

“And I’m sorry.” She wasn’t looking at me. In fact, as I turned to face her, Kesha pulled her hands down into her lap and stared down at them. “I know how much you miss her.”

Oh hells, what?

I covered her hands with mine. “Dkaar, what are you talking about?”

Her shrug was slight. “You had this grand romance, this amazing love, and you lost it. The fact that you can even consider bringing me as much pleasure as you do, knowing how much you loved her…it’s remarkable.”

Love?

Her words surprised a bark of laughter from me, and her gaze darted up to meet mine. So I offered her a smile and pulled her into my arms.

“I loved Sharra, yeah,” I told her gently. “But I don’t miss her.”

Kesha sucked in a shocked breath, her eyes wide enough to make me smile sadly and place a kiss on her nose.

“How can you say that about your Mate? The one the gods chose for you?”

“I’ve often suspected the gods made a mistake when it came to me and Sharra.” I sighed. “Or we met too early. Maybe, if we’d matured a bit before we met, if we’d grown into different people, we might have been better matches. She was…difficult.”

With my arm around Kesha, I settled deeper into the couch, stared at the dark television screen, and told her about my contentious relationship with my Mate. About the fights, her demands, and our differences.

“Don’t get me wrong; I was just as much at fault,” I made sure to explain. “I thought I knew how to take care of her, and I dismissed her demands as frivolous or expensive.”

Kesha shifted in my hold. “Sounds like they were. Especially after she got pregnant.”

“Yeah. I mean, she was carrying my kitling, I would have done anything for her. But she refused to stop partying, and she kept spending the money I was making as fast as I made it. I’d come home from a twelve-hour shift in the mine, and she’d complain that I was too dirty and too tired to do anything.”

“Damn.” My wife sighed and snuggled closer. “That must’ve been hard to hear. Sounds like the two of you were really different.”

“We were. Too different, really. By the time Jay came along, Sharra and I were on opposite schedules, barely talking. I suppose that was a good thing when it came to caring for a newborn, and I noticed…” This part was hard to talk about, but Kesha needed to hear it. “By the end, our Mate Bond had deteriorated. I still cared for her, but not in the way I had when we had first Bonded.”

“I’m sorry,” Kesha whispered.

“Her behavior was increasingly erratic. She talked about taking Jay and returning to our world, where she’d be revered just for being a female. I was terrified of the possibility, because I knew it was the truth, and knew I’d lose access to my son. She would go visit friends from nearby towns, be gone for days at a time, leaving us in peace, then come home still drunk and rant and rave at me for not doing enough for her.”

“You were still working at the mine?”

“Working and taking care of Jay—that was my life.”

“Damn.” Kesha pushed herself upright. “I’ve spent our marriage jealous of someone I probably didn’t need to be jealous of, huh?”

My lips twitched. “Probably right. She…” I had to clear my throat. “She died in a single-car accident on the way home from one of those trips; she was still drunk when she drove off one of the hairpin turns on the mountain. I didn’t feel her die.” I remembered the way my Kteer had acted so uncertain that day, knowing something was wrong, but unable to identify it. “That’s how I knew our Mate Bond had deteriorated. I suppose, if she hadn’t died, we would eventually have grown apart enough that we’d be able to formally repudiate one another.”

“I hate that you wasted your one chance at a Mate with someone with whom you were so poorly matched.”

Kesha’s tone sounded so disgruntled, so irritated for me, that I began to chuckle. Pushing aside the maudlin memories, I gathered her closer, pulling her into my arms, fluffy robe and all.

“I hate it too,” I admitted, burying my nose in her neck. “But maybe this is better. I got to choose you and fall in love with you. We’re perfectly matched, dkaar, and I’m ridiculously lucky to have you.”

I could feel her embarrassment. “I don’t know about that…”

“I do.” I turned my head enough to scrape my tusk along her skin. “You’re not still keeping score, are you?”