Page 24 of My Orc Package Deal

“She had this way of making everything feel… important.” I rubbed the back of my neck, the memory of Sharra’s perfume—something floral and expensive—flickering through my mind. “Like even the boring stuff was an adventure if she was there.” If she deigned to show up.

A muscle feathered in Kesha’s jaw. “That’s… nice.”

I almost laughed. Nice. Like that single word could contain the whiplash of a Mate Bond—all fireworks and no foundation. Fuck, I’d thought myself the luckiest kid in Bramblewood Bluff when I’d realized the signs of the Mate Bond. I’d been so stupid.

But Kesha was still watching me, her expression carefully neutral, and something in my chest twisted.

“I was working in the mines when we met,” I said, shifting to face her just slightly, not sure why I was trying to defend myself. “Twelve-hour shifts, coming home covered in dust. Not exactly glamorous.” And Sharra never let me forget it. “But she… she made me feel like I could be more.”

Like I needed to be more, in order to be her Mate.

Kesha’s margarita can hissed as she took a slow sip. “She sounds amazing.”

But all I said was, “She was my Mate. That’s…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “That’s not something you get over.”

Kesha’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “No,” she agreed softly. “I guess not.”

The silence stretched, thick with all the things I wasn’t saying.

She thought I was still in love with a ghost. And I let her.

Because the alternative—telling her the truth, that the Bond had been a gilded cage, that Sharra had resented every damn thing about our life together—would mean admitting how relieved I’d been after getting over the shock of losing her in that car accident.

And that was a kind of betrayal I wasn’t ready to name.

Kesha exhaled and turned back to the surf. She was watching our sons, but I wondered if she was seeing them. “Love can be brutal, huh?”

Love.

Had I loved Sharra? Sure, at first. When I knew what the Mate Bond meant, before I knew how poorly we were matched. I’d been so damn certain at first. That was the thing about the Mate Bond—it didn’t ask permission. It just was. One look, one scent, and my entire future had narrowed to a single point: Sharra.

But…love?

I thought of the fights. The way she’d pout when I came home too tired to take her out. The way she’d roll her eyes when I talked about Jay’s first steps, his first words. How much she resented the changes in her body after the pregnancy. The way she’d leave for days at a time, staying with friends in the city, and come back expecting me to be grateful when she deigned to return.

I thought of the way Kesha had looked at me when I’d first suggested this marriage—not with excitement, not with greed, but with skepticism. Like she was keeping score. Like she was making sure I knew what I was getting into.

I thought of the way she’d held my hand in the dark at our wedding reception, not because she wanted something from me, but because she’d sensed I needed it.

It had taken years to come to the realization I hadn’t loved Sharra the way Mates were supposed to…and I apparently still hadn’t come to terms with the fact I resented that Mating Bond, even if it had brought me Jay.

Because I’d wasted my chance at happiness.

I needed to change the subject, or I needed another six beers stat.

Luckily, Kesha was thinking along the same lines.

“So,” she announced with a sudden exhale, lifting her can to salute the surf. “Colorado. Do you miss it? Or are you more about the beach now?”

Grateful for the lifeline, I latched onto it. “Sometimes I miss it. The winters, mostly. There’s something about snow that makes the world feel…” I searched for the word. “Quiet. Even when it’s chaotic.”

“Hushed,” Kesha hummed in agreement, tilting her face toward the sun, as if her vocabulary suggestion didn’t even matter. “Not just the absence of noise. I get that. Texas doesn’t really do quiet.”

“No,” I agreed, trying not to notice the way she stretched those long legs in the sun. All that delicious dark skin on display, and I had to curl my hand into a fist to keep from touching her without permission. “But the beach has its own kind of peace. The sound of the waves. The way the air smells.” I took another pull of my beer. “It’s different. But not bad.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Was it hard? Deciding to leave?”

I thought of the mine closing. Of Abydos’s offer—a fresh start, a real future. Of Kardok, shaking his head, telling me I was crazy to walk away from the Terrors’ connections. Of Jay, almost as tall as me, his hockey stick slung over his shoulder, his eyes wide with the possibility of a new life.