Page 118 of Roman

“Thank you.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and left, with one last look over his shoulder. As the door shut behind him, my shoulders dropped. He told me he loved me every chance he got. He showed me in his touches, his care. And I knew I loved him. He knew I loved him.

Why couldn’t I say it?

I poured another coffee and pulled my feet up under me. I heard the distant rumble of the car leaving the front of the house, and I knew Roman was gone. It tugged on my heart a little. Part of me wanted him to come to the cemetery with me. To have his strength beside me when I stood at my mother’s grave. I went often and laid flowers, but today felt different. Darker, more severe, and poignant. I wondered if my mom knew Marianne was dead. If she knew why. I wanted to tell her myself, alone. Part of me believed that she would know I was there and she would forgive me for any part I had in Marianne’s death. I knew how deeply Roman hated Marianne, which was why I had to do it alone. I wasn’t sure he would understand. He saw things in very black-and-white terms, and I didn’t know if he believed the ones we lost could see or hear us. I did, so I needed to do this by myself.

I waited until after lunch and the rain had stopped. I wore a pair of sturdy shoes, jeans, and a light coat against the chill of the day.

Alex drove me, and I stopped at a florist and got a bunch of lovely flowers that contained all my mom’s favorites. My hands shook as we rolled to a stop in the graveyard. Alex opened my door, and I stepped out onto the damp gravel. “I’d like to go alone.”

He hesitated. “I have strict orders to keep you in my sight at all times. I’ll stay a respectful distance away, Mrs. Costas.”

I wasn’t surprised. Roman took my protection very seriously, even though I thought he could let up, given that Marianne was gone. Maybe once he relaxed a little, he would.

Alex followed me and stood near the small hill by my mother’s grave. He scouted the area, but the cemetery was quiet, only a few others visiting lost loved ones. A couple was mourning over a fresh grave a short distance away, the man bent over the weeping woman’s head. I sent a short thought of healing toward them as I walked on the rain-soaked grass to my mom’s headstone. The etched heart and her name were dewy with the weather that had been plaguing us the past few days. I knelt and laid the flowers, brushing away the dirt around the headstone. “Hi, Mom,” I mumbled, my throat feeling tight. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while. Life’s been kinda crazy. I miss you.”

I stayed that way for a few moments, letting the silence surround me. Some heavy drops fell from the tree limb above me, hitting the headstone and my head. I shook my head to get rid of the wet. “You already know, I guess. I’m sorry. I know you loved her—at least as much as she let anyone love her.”

There was an odd sound, and I saw Alex rushing toward me. I began to stand, confused when he stumbled but kept coming. “Down!” he yelled. “Get⁠—”

He was almost to me, his gun drawn, when he fell. Stunned, I rushed toward him, dropping to my knees to check his vitals. I stopped in shock at the figure that appeared by the small hill.

I blinked to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.

“Marianne?”

ROMAN

I was restless at my desk, unable to concentrate. I paced the room, stared out the window, but found no pleasure in the view this morning. The swirling water and thunderous power of the Falls only enhanced my tension instead of dispelling it. It had been that way all morning.

I glanced at my watch. Effie would be departing for the cemetery shortly. Despite her affirmation she wanted to be alone, I was thinking of heading that way and being there when she was done. Perhaps she would need me.

God, how I wanted her to need me.

Frustrated, I headed to the other office, intent on studying the latest architectural ideas for the new casino, but the plans and details held no appeal. Aldo walked in, looking surprised to see me.

“Roman.”

“Hey,” I greeted him, flipping through the drawings.

“You don’t like those?” he asked. “I thought some of the ideas were incredible. I also thought a few of them could be modified for some renos you want done here.”

“Hmm,” I replied.

“Or maybe those zebras in tutus greeting the guests would be a better idea.”

“Perhaps,” I said, then shook my head. “Wait, what?”

Aldo laughed. “I was wondering if you were listening. Where are you today, Roman?”

I sat down, rubbing my eyes. “Lost somewhere between hell and forever.”

He sat down. “Effie?” he guessed. “Things are still unsettled?”

“The only thing that is settled is that I’m in love with my wife. I’m certain she feels the same. She shows it in everything she does, but she has yet to say the words.” I barked a laugh. “I’m obsessed with every little thing she does. Says. Feels. Wants. I worry about her every second. Me. The man who didn’t care about anything or anyone. I deserve her hesitancy.”

“You always cared, Roman. You were just selective in your level of caring.”