Page 93 of The Addendum

“I don’t know if I can express it so it makes any sense,” she began, then fell silent with a sad shake of her head.

I leaned closer, meeting her watery eyes. “Enough. I’m pulling rank here, Gracie. I’m your father. Talk to me. Now,” I said in my sternest voice.

And suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck, burying her face into my shoulder and weeping. I gathered her in my embrace, holding her the way I did when she was a child and hurt. Tight. Safe. Surrounded by my protection and love. If she let me hold her, I could help her heal.

A memory stirred of the time she had been lost. Trapped and scared, waiting for me to rescue her. I had held her for hours afterward, shaking and too afraid to let her go for fear I would lose her again.

I did it then, and I could do it now.

It was a step in the right direction.

* * *

I let her cry, then eased back when her sobs stopped. I pushed away the hair on her forehead and kissed the damp skin of her cheek. “If your mother were here, she’d have a tissue.”

She sniffled and dug in her pocket. “I have one,” she mumbled and wiped her cheeks, then blew her nose.

“You ready to talk now?”

She nodded.

“Why are you so angry, Gracie?”

“You shocked me.”

I lifted my eyebrows. “This whole fucked-up situation shocked me too.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t the man you know as your dad when I was younger. I wasn’t connected with the world, or even life. I used people. Ashley’s mom and I dated, but it wasn’t serious. It was never serious for me.”

“Until Mom.”

I nodded. “Until Mom. But I was always honest with my partners and protected. I had no idea Juliet was pregnant. Until Ashley showed up, the thought never crossed my mind that I could have another child out there.” I paused. “I didn’t even see the similarities until she said the words.”

She bit her lip, fresh tears filling her eyes.

“What?” I asked.

“She looks like you. She has your eye color and your cowlick. She’s tall like you.”

I frowned. “That bothers you?” I caressed her cheek. “You have my cowlick too, Gracie. And my smile. You look like your mom, who I think is the most beautiful woman in the world. I’m glad you take after her.” I tapped the end of her nose, hoping she would smile. “You have my temper, obviously.”

She looked away and swallowed. “I–we always had a bond, Dad. You’ve said it all my life. I was your firstborn, and it made me special.” She studied the cuff of her sweater, not looking at me. “I’m not that anymore.”

I gaped at her, shocked at her thinking. Maddox had been right.

“Gracie,” I admonished. I slid my fingers under her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes.

“Ashley is not replacing you, baby girl. Chronologically, she may be my eldest, but you are my firstborn. First born out of love. First to make me a daddy. First thing I ever did that was perfect and right from the very moment you came into my life. You will always hold that spot. We will always have that connection.” I shook my head, my voice oddly thick as I spoke. “You will always be my Gracie-girl. My baby.”

“I was jealous,” she burst out. “I thought she’d take my place. That maybe you’d love her more than me. Want her more than me to try to make up for missing her childhood. With Ashley around, I was no longer the eldest sister. What if she took my place with my siblings too? And you hurt Mom. It upset me. And I was worried for Penny and Gavin. Matthew. Heather…” Her voice caught. “I knew they would be upset, and that made me angry. It all made me angry. And I disliked Ashley. The thought of her angered me. The discord she brought with her angered me.”

“I could never love anyone more than you,” I said quietly. “Everyone knows that. I love all of you with my entire heart, but you and I share something nothing and no one will ever break. I’m shocked you would think so, Grace. I have never given you any reason to think otherwise.”

“I know—but it was how I felt. And just as I started to calm down, I got into a fight with Heather.”

“You had a fight with Heather?”