Page 22 of Firefly Embers

“I’m just…” I started, attempting to find the right words for the emotions that were swirling through my head. I was a jumbled mix of angry, frustrated, and incomprehensibly turned on.

“Frustrated,” I settled on, not bothering to elaborate on which type. I twirled the shot of tequila around, running my finger across the rim.

“I know I haven’t been here as long as some of the other guys who saw you and Wade grow up together, but I’m sure even a blind man could see how you guys look at each other.” She chuckled.

“That’s the thing. We’ve grown up together. He’s my best friend. How do I throw away seventeen years of friendship for a relationship that will undoubtedly fail?” The words came out in a jumbled mess, flowing like a rushing stream from my lips.

Trying to suck some of the words back in, I took my shot and placed it face down on the bar, signaling to Hayes that I was done drinking. Tequila was obviously the enemy tonight, as it left me feeling far from happy or energized.

I felt Stella’s hand reach down beside me and her slender fingers interlace with mine. The sign of solidarity was warm and much needed as I grappled with the torrent of emotions flooding through me.

“I don’t think you’d be throwing anything away,” she said softly, neither of us looking anywhere but out into the crowd.

Anyone watching would just see two drunk girls standing next to a bar holding hands. They wouldn’t see or feel the raw emotion bleeding from my pores as I struggled to maintain my composure under the weight of “what ifs.”

“You and Wade have known each other since you were teens. You’ve seen each other through every stage of each other’s lives as you’ve grown, and neither ‌of you has managed to break the bond you share. If it were going to happen, don’t you think it would have already happened? There’s something raw and special there, Ray. How do you know it’s destined to fail?”

Like a crashing wave of interrogation, her words drowned me as I struggled to find a reply.

How did I know we would fail? Was I just expecting the worst to happen, or was there tried-and-true evidence that Wade and I would never work out as a couple?

“Your silence speaks volumes, Ray. Just remember that nothing worth having comes easy.”

She was right. I didn’t know that Wade and I wouldn’t work out, and I could either sit back and let myself wonder, or I could do something about it and see where it goes.

With that emotional bomb detonated, Stella and I made our way back to the table and sat down. She plopped herself back down on Max’s lap like she owned it, although she did, and snagged his Stetson off his head, depositing it on her own.

I swore I heard a light growl as he leaned forward, nuzzling the space where her shoulder met her neck, and the peal of laughter that Stella let out hit me right in the chest.

I wanted that.

WADE

I don’t know what was pissing me off more, the fact that my brother and his new wife couldn’t be bothered to stop mauling each other for five seconds, or that Ray had bent her tiny ass over the bar top and damn near flashed everyone her lacy red panties.

Not that I was looking. If one thing was certain, neither ‌of those situations was helping my mood.

I sipped my bourbon, making every valiant effort to keep my eyes from drifting to the swell of Ray’s tits that were nearly falling out of her dress each time she leaned forward to laugh at something Stella or Max said. It was as if the dress that was expertly painted on her body was done with the intention of sending me to an early grave.

“So, tell us about the honeymoon!” Ray crooned with a wistful sigh, her cheek resting dreamily against her hand.

“It was so nice,” Stella remarked, gazing longingly back at my brother.

I took another sip of my drink, fighting down the current of emotion that threatened to make its way up my throat. Watching them make heart eyes at each other was almost enough to make me sick.

“We did a lot of relaxing on the beach. Charlie hadn’t ever seen the ocean, so it was nice to be able to experience that as a family.”

Max twirled one of Stella’s blonde locks around his finger as he kissed her tenderly on the neck.

Never had I felt such an all-consuming anger coupled with the craving for what my brother had. The ease with which he and Stella interacted was something I had only dreamed about ‌with one girl.

I hadn’t ever really been the relationship type. Getting onto the rodeo circuit meant lots of training that wore you down physically and mentally.

At the end of a long training session, the only thing I wanted was a shower and a nap. I’m not going to say I was exactly celibate through the last twelve years, but I sure as hell didn’t let them stay over, and I generally never called them again.

Buckle bunnies were a dime a dozen, and I generally didn’t meet the same one twice.

The only girl I had ever imagined coming home to at the end of a long day of training was my best friend. Until recently, I hadn’t ever imagined anything outside of a platonic relationship, but the desire for something more hit me straight in the gut tonight as I watched the happiness radiate from my twin.