Page 21 of Property of Prophet

Bear’s tail thumps twice against the floor, satisfied with himself, as though he’s the one who put it there.

I try again that afternoon, only this time I go at it harder, pushing into whatever has my past locked away instead of waiting for it to open for me.

She’s across the room working on a snare while I sit at the table with my eyes closed, fists planted on my thighs. The first few tries give me nothing. Same empty black I’ve found every time I’ve gone searching since I woke in the snow with no fucking clue who I was. I keep pushing until my teeth hurt from grinding them and sweat crawls cold between my shoulder blades. Somewhere behind all this, there’s a life I lived, and I’m getting real fucking tired of being shut out of it.

Then something gives.

It isn’t sunlight. There’s no sun, no fire, no place I can point to and say it came from there. It’s everywhere, burning through me without heat, under my skin and inside my bones, and for one hard second, I know it. I fucking know it.

I belonged there.

More than belonged. I was made there.

Something moves beneath my shoulder blades and pain tears across my back so fast my hands slam flat against the table. I can almost feel the weight behind me, huge and heavy, muscles I don’t have anymore trying to move something that is no longer there.

“Prophet?”

I hear her, but can’t answer yet because another piece is coming, and I’m terrified that opening my mouth will scare it off.

There are others around me.

I can’t see their faces, but I feel them. Thousands of them, maybe more, and I know where I stand among them without anyone having to tell me. There’s an order to us, something older than rank or patches, and I have a place in it. A purpose carved so deep into me there was never any question of choosing it.

Then I hear the sound. It rolls through everything.

My eyes open and Lily is staring at me from across the room, the snare forgotten in her hands.

“Fuck.”

She sets it down. “What did you see?”

“I don’t know if seeing is the word.” I drag both hands over my face, trying to hold on to pieces already bleeding away. “There was light everywhere, but it didn’t come from anything. It was in everything. In me too.” My throat feels too tight, and I swallow against it. “I wasn’t alone. There were others, more than I could count, and I knew them even though I couldn’t see a single fucking face.”

Lily doesn’t interrupt me, so I keep going.

“I had wings.” The words scrape on the way out. “Couldn’t see them, but I felt the bastards. Felt the weight of them pulling across my back, felt muscles move where there’s nothing now.” I reach behind me, fingers digging into the scars near my shoulder blades. “And I knew what I was supposed to do. Nobody gave me orders. Nobody had to. It was already in me, deeper than instinct.”

Her eyes stay on mine. “What were you supposed to do?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Anger bites through me, hot enough to make my fist clench. “That part’s gone. I only remember knowing.” I push away from the table and pace because sitting has become impossible. “And there was a sound.” I stop near the window, staring out at the snow. “Not music. Nothing I could hum back to you. It went through my bones and made everything feel ...” I grind my teeth, hunting for the words built for something no human mouth was meant to explain. “Right. Whole. No pain, no doubt, no wondering what came next. Everything had a place, and for once, so did I.”

The silence behind me stretches.

“I think I’ve been listening for it ever since I woke up out there,” I say, quieter. “Every fucking night. Wind hits the trees, fire cracks, Bear starts breathing heavy beside me, and some stupid part of me waits for it to come back.” I look down at my hands. “It never does.”

When I finally turn, Lily hasn’t moved. Her hands are still holding the snare, and there’s something in her face I can’t read.

“That sounds like Heaven,” she says.

I go still, the word hitting somewhere deep enough to make my stomach tighten.

“Heaven?”

“You said there was light everywhere, other beings around you, wings, a purpose you didn’t need explained.” Her eyes move over my face. “What else would you call it?”

“A fucking problem.”

Lily’s mouth twitches. “You’re taking this surprisingly well.”