Page 154 of Burn of the Everflame

He scowled. “Do you know what I would give to be able to do that?”

I flashed him a mocking smile. “Having a murderous, all-powerful sociopath for a father has its perks.”

“He’s not your father,” he said, his tone accusatory and a little bit hurt. “Andrei is.”

“I know. I didn’t mean . . .” My eyes dropped, and so did my voice. “I know.”

The energy between us turned awkward, so I decided to make it worse.

“You and Lily back together yet?”

“Are you and Luther?”

My grip tightened on my book. “I asked first.”

“She says she’s forgiven me.”

“That’s good,” I said brightly, but my enthusiasm was met with a frown.

“It’s not the same as before. I can tell she’s holding back. She still doesn’t trust me.”

“She needs to see that you’ll do anything for her. Eventually, you’ll get a chance to prove that.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Maybe you can push someone so far, there’s no getting them back.”

The thought twisted a knife in my chest.

“I’ve been wanting to thank you,” I hurried on before he could return to his question. “I’ve seen you spending time with Taran. I know Mother didn’t ask you if you wanted him as a brother. It means a lot to me that you’ve embraced it.”

“Mother doesn’t ask me before doing anything,” he muttered. “I don’t mind this, though. I like Taran. He’s funny, and he’s honest. He hates lying as much as I do. And he knows what it’s like to have family he can’t trust.”

I flinched.

“I didn’t mean you, D,” he said, and we shared a heavy look.

“I’m struggling with Mother, too,” I admitted. “I can tell she’s sorry she hurt us, but that’s not the same as being sorry she did it. She’s convinced it was all to protect us.”

“She’s always been stubborn about keeping us safe. Even when it made us angry, she never gave in.” He mulled it over a little more, brows knitting in thought. “I don’t like what she did, but I guess I understand why she thought she had to.” His nose wrinkled. “It’s the same thing I did to Lily.”

And the same thing I’m doing to Luther, I thought glumly.

“Maybe that’s what you do for people you love,” I said. “Do whatever it takes to keep them safe, and pray they forgive you for it later.”

“Maybe. Maybe not,” he said again. “Maybe being loved is more important than being safe.”

I really, really did not like the way my conscience prodded me at his words. I grabbed another book and set it in front of him, gesturing for him to keep reading.

He crossed his legs and pulled the book into his lap. “Taran thinks we all need to visit Father’s grave to say goodbye and talk things out. He thinks we can’t move on until we tell each other all our secrets.”

I bristled. That was the last thing I wanted to do. “Do you have any secrets?”

“Just one.” I looked up in surprise, but he cracked open his book, skimming it as he talked. “While you were on the island, I did some experiments with flameroot. I made a balm to put on weapons. It suppresses a Descended’s magic if it gets in their blood. Lily tested it on herself—the effect doesn’t last long, but it works.”

I jolted upright. “Teller, that’s incredible!”

“Mother wanted the recipe for the Guardians, and I refused. I told her I only trusted you to have it. I meant to tell you before . . .” His eyes drifted guiltily from his book. “I just wasn’t sure how I felt about something I created being used to hurt people. Even for a good cause.”

I understood too well. As valuable as I knew more godstone would be in the war, the thought of people dying from the poison I’d watched Luther endure made me sick to my stomach. But was arming my soldiers with Guardian bombs or Fortosian steel swords any better?