Page 196 of Beasts of Mine

“Immediate danger, no time, and no safer option. All three. You don't use it because I'm being stubborn, because you don't like what I'm doing, or because making me obey would be easier than arguing with me.” I continued as I held his gaze, unwilling to leave enough room for either of us to misunderstand later.

“Yes. Immediate danger, no time, and no safer option. I understand.” Malek answered with one firm nod, his voice steady despite the fear still heavy in his scent. I waited for the qualification because some part of me genuinely expected one. He could have reminded me he was Head Alpha, pointed out that I was an Omega, or argued that protecting me gave him the right to decide when using Voice was justified.

Malek didn't do any of those things.

“I'm sorry. I know what using it took away from you for those seconds, and I won't use it again unless those conditions are true.” Malek apologized as regret roughened his voice, keeping the space between us instead of trying to soften the apology with touch.

“Good, because I never want it becoming a shortcut when you're scared or frustrated with me.” I told Malek as I let my arms fall, the shaking finally starting to fade now that I knew he wasn't going to fight me on the boundary.

“It won't.” Malek promised as he held my gaze, his scent still strong but contained rather than pushed toward me. He didn't purr to settle me, crowd me until his size forced me to pay attention to him, or tell me I needed to calm down. He let me stay angry until the anger started changing on its own, and by the time my heartbeat stopped trying to escape through my ribs, I realized Alpha Voice wasn't the only thing bothering me.

“This is part of what scares me about us.” I told Malek as I looked at him again, the anger giving way to a problem I'd been carrying since I accepted Patagonia.

“The Voice?” Malek asked as his brow furrowed, keeping the distance I'd clearly wanted rather than using the question as an excuse to approach.

“Not only that. Your first instinct when something is dangerous is to get between me and it, and when you can't do that, you still look for some way to stop it. Today I needed you to. What happens when I'm in Patagonia and you can't do either?” I answered Malek as I shifted my weight, my legs beginning to ache now that the adrenaline was wearing off. “What happens when a check-in is late because equipment goes down, or I tell you afterward that weather changed the route and we spent the night somewhere we hadn't planned?”

“I worry. Probably more than you want me to.” Malek admitted as he met my eyes, cedar still stronger than usual around him.

“You're allowed to worry. What I can't do is build my life around making sure you never have a reason to.” I told Malek as some of the heat left my voice. “Photography isn't something I'm doing until I settle down, and travel isn't a phase I'm waiting to outgrow. Patagonia isn't going to be the last job that takes me away.”

“I know.” Malek replied, the set of his mouth making it obvious that knowing and liking were nowhere near the same thing.

“I need you to know it when I'm actually gone too. Being with you doesn't mean I'm eventually moving into the sanctuary and turning down anything that takes me too far away because three Alphas are happier when they can smell me.” I told Malek as I held his gaze, needing him to understand that today's argument was bigger than one bad patch of ground.

For half a second, loving you almost came out instead of being with you. I stopped the words because they were true, not because I doubted them, and I wasn't telling Malek for the first time beside a collapsed ruin while I was sweaty, angry, and still trying to get my hands completely steady.

“My leopard hates the idea of you leaving. He wants you close enough to scent, close enough to touch, and somewhere I can reach you if something goes wrong.” Malek admitted after looking toward the trees and rubbing one hand across his jaw, his gaze returning to me when he finished.

“And you?” I asked Malek as I watched his face, wanting his answer instead of another explanation about instinct.

“I want you close too. I want to know you're safe, and I hate that there will be days when I can't know that for myself.” Malek answered without pretending otherwise, his voice quieter now that neither of us was arguing.

The answer wasn't easy to hear, but it didn't feel like a threat because he wasn't turning what he wanted into something I had to give him.

“But you know you can't always have that.” I told Malek as I kept my eyes on his, giving him the chance to tell me if that was going to become a problem.

“Yes. If I turn everything that scares me into a rule for you, eventually you'll hate being here, and maybe you'll hate me too.” Malek replied after a moment, sadness showing around his eyes even though his voice remained controlled. My chest tightened because he'd found the future I was most afraid of without making me drag it out of him.

“I don't need you to promise you won't leave.” Malek told me as he drew in a slow breath, some of the tension finally easing from his shoulders. I waited because the way he looked at me made it obvious there was more.

“I need to know if you want to come back.” Malek asked, holding my gaze without Alpha Voice, scent pressure, or anything else trying to make the answer for me.

I understood the difference immediately. Don't leave meant giving something up before I'd even gone. Come back let me take the assignment, get on the plane, sleep in another field station, spend three months working somewhere he couldn't reach, and decide for myself where I went afterward.

“Yes. I want to come back.” I told Malek, the answer coming easier than anything else we'd said since the ground collapsed. Some of the strain around Malek's eyes finally disappeared, but he still didn't approach me. His fingers flexed once at his side before becoming still again, and I realized he was waiting for me to decide whether I wanted contact after everything we'd just discussed.

I crossed the distance and took his hand.

“You can touch me.” I told Malek as I curled my fingers around his, making the permission unmistakable.

“Thank you.” Malek said as his hand closed carefully around mine, his grip loose enough that I could have pulled away without any effort.

“Don't make me regret it.” I warned Malek as I stepped closer, still irritated enough that listening well didn't erase how much I'd hated what had happened.

“I won't.” Malek promised as his free hand lifted toward the back of my neck and stopped just short until I leaned into his palm. His hand settled there without pulling me closer or touching my gland. We stayed that way until the last of the shaking disappeared, and only then did I look toward the camera hanging against my chest. The motmot was long gone, my concentration was completely wrecked, and the damaged terrace needed to go into my notes.

“I'm done shooting here today.” I told Malek as I reached for my notebook, already checking the time and the route marker I'd need for the report.