Page 224 of Reaper Said Mine

“Send warriors,” I say.

“Already moving,” Krell answers.

Skahar watches me with old, sharp eyes. “You ran to Sector Twelve.”

“I am aware of my movements.”

“You tore open a shelter door.”

“It was in my way.”

“You carried a wounded woman.”

“She weighed less than my irritation.”

“Do not make jokes at me, boy.”

The word cuts through the room more surely than a shouted title.

Boy.

The officers nearest us find urgent reasons to study their displays.

I turn toward him. “This is not the hour.”

“It is exactly the hour,” Skahar says. “You think leadership is being strong enough to carry every wounded woman, break every door, kill every enemy, answer every call, and bleed in every corridor. That is captain thinking. Glorious. Useless. Addictive.”

My hands tighten.

“Choose your next words with care, old one.”

“No.”

His refusal lands flat and fearless.

Skahar steps closer until he has to tilt his head to look up at me. His broken horn catches the red light. His cloudy eye shows me no mercy.

“You want to pay your debt with your body because bodies are simple. Bodies can run, tear, kill, carry, and die. Leadership is worse. Leadership is deciding which door remains closed because another must open first. Leadership is listening to one child scream while saving twenty elsewhere. Leadership is accepting help from a snake because the medicine is real. Leadership is admitting your rage made music for your enemies and choosing a different song before all of us are forced to sing funeral verses.”

The command center fades around his words.

I want to snarl.

I want to tell him he knows nothing of the weight on me, which would be absurd because he carried it before I did and had the good sense to hand it to a younger fool. I want to defend every choice from Zune’s death to the Coalition compact, every retaliation I refused and every compromise I swallowed. I want to build a wall of reasons tall enough to hide the truth.

Instead I see Tomas covering his ears.

I see the yellow door at Rekk’s schoolroom.

I see Zune’s face just before I killed him.

I see Ursa’s green eyes when she told me I might have been manipulated into becoming the spark.

My voice leaves me quieter than I intend. “I made mistakes.”

Skahar says nothing.

I continue because the first truth has broken the door, and the rest come through whether I welcome them or not. “I thought fear would buy us space. I thought hurting the Combine enough would make them bargain honestly or keep their distance. I thought if the galaxy saw what happened when it came for Reapers, it would finally leave us something untouched.”