Page 20 of My Older Biker

"Most of it isn't mine."

She steps aside. I walk into my house. She closes the door behind me and locks it. Turns both deadbolts.

Then she's in front of me. Her hands reaching for the hem of my shirt.

"Let me see."

I don't stop her. She lifts my shirt slowly. Sees the tape and gauze. Sees the blood that's soaked through and spread across the white material.

"That's not fine," she says.

"It's a graze. Tate already treated it."

"You promised you'd come back."

"I did come back."

Her eyes meet mine and I see tears on her cheeks. Not sobbing. Not hysterical. Just silent tracks running down her face that she's not bothering to wipe away.

"I was so scared." Her voice breaks on the last word. "I sat here for seven hours and I was terrified the whole time. Every time I heard a siren I thought it was for you. Every time my phone didn't ring I thought it meant you were dead and no one wanted to tell me yet."

I pull her against my chest. She comes immediately. Wraps her arms around my waist and holds on.

The wound pulls but I don't care.

She's shaking, I can feel it through my whole body.

Something in me breaks. Something that's been locked down since Perry died. Since I walked into that warehouse knowing I was going to kill people tonight.

"I'm sorry," I say into her hair.

"Don't apologize." She pulls back enough to look at me. The tears are still falling but her jaw is set. "Just don't die. I can't handle you dying."

"I'll try."

"That's not good enough."

"It's all I can give you." I cup her face. Feel the wetness of her tears under my thumbs. "This is the life. People die. I can't promise I'll always come back."

She stares at me. Her brown eyes searching my face for something. "Then I guess I have to decide if you're worth being this scared."

My chest tightens. "And?"

"You are." She covers my hands with hers. "But you need to know what you're asking me to live with. The waiting. The fear. Not knowing if you're coming home."

"I know. And you need to know what you're asking me to live with. If something happens to you because you're with me, I won't survive it. That's not drama. That's fact."

Her breath hitches. "Then we're both terrified."

"Yeah."

"And we're still doing this."

"Yeah." I wipe her tears with my thumbs even though new ones are already falling. "I'm still all in if you are."

She nods. Takes a shaky breath. "I am. I'm in."

She reaches up and kisses me. Soft at first. Then harder. Like she's trying to convince herself I'm real and here and alive.