Page 17 of Spitfire

Do what, Xavier? The whisper isn't loud, it never is. It doesn't need to be; it's already inside me.

"You know exactly what you've done." I stagger toward my desk, my pulse hammering so violently it feels as though something is trying to claw its way out through my ribs. "You showed yourself."

A ceramic mug finds my hand before I even register grabbing it, and it instantly explodes against the concrete wall. Dark coffee stains splatter like blood, spreading and coating the wall's surface, while white shards skitter across the floor. The pressure behind my eyes refuses to ease, and my violence doesn't quiet the blood pounding in my veins, or relieve the anxious pressure ripping me apart inch by inch. "You let Scarlett see our face."

Our face? The voice laughs, low and patient. I was beginning to wonder if you'd finally admit we share one.

"Shut up!" I screech, spittle flying from my lips.

No. Are you more upset because I confronted that cunt Garnier, or because I approached your precious Scarlett?

"I had a plan." The words lack the conviction I need to reinforce them. I grasp my hair and pull tightly, as I allow my back to slide down the concrete wall of my warehouse loft until I'm sitting dejected on the hard floor. Cold seeps through my jeans as my heartbeat fills the room. No... Not the room, my head. The pain momentarily helps the fog to dissipate, but it does nothing to cool the rage flowing through my veins.

You had fantasies.

My breath catches, my chest suddenly feeling as if a thick band was rapidly wrapping around me, tighter and tighter until I can't breathe. "I was getting close."

You were circling them. Playing games you have no chance of winning. All I've done is what you are too weak and incapable of doing! How long are you going to play this cat-and-mouse game with them, huh?

My fingernails dig sharply into my scalp with the accusation. Could he be right? "I was testing them," I demand with malice.

You were watching. Always watching. Pathetic.

"I was protecting Ashmaker."

You were cleaning up after them. A discarded dog that no one wants, looking for scraps.

The words hit harder than any fist ever could. I should have known when I went to rest that he would take over. He's been vocal about his displeasure with my reproductions of Ashmaker's crimes, and my assistance in hiding Ashmaker's recent mistakes. Did I ever imagine that he would do something so brazen as to confront the two agents in charge of the investigation that could put us behind bars for the rest of our lives? Absofuckinglutely not.

I had to watch, in horror, restrained behind the veil that keeps us separated, as he risked it all, all with the intent to punish me for going against his wishes.

You're weak, Xavier, we both know it. You would have continued on this way until one of you was caught. I had to protect us!

"How the fuck did you protect us by going back to the scene, and then accusing them of incompetence?"

I planted doubt in the minds of the spectators, and gave the other reporters the nudge they needed to go after them as well. We'd be safer if they were taken off this case. If she were taken off this case!

"This is all about her. You don't like that I want her, that I need her, just like I do Ashmaker. You want us to always be alone, just you and me trapped in this misery!"

We were fine before you came across Ashmaker.

"I was unraveling and alone. I had no true purpose, not until Ashmaker came into the picture," I growl, as I wrap my arms around my raised knees and rock myself back and forth. The motion usually soothes me, but this time it doesn't seem to be working.

You had me. You've always had me to protect you. You were never truly alone.

"I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work, not this time. You risked too much. She belongs to me, and you attempted to push her away."

I have to do what's best for us.

"No, you're doing what's best for you!" I dart to my feet and slam my fist against the concrete wall. The pain is sharp and immediate, and it helps me to think more clearly. "I won't allow you to take them away from me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I need Ashmaker and her. If you touch her, if you hurt her, I'll end us once and for all, I swear it."

So dramatic. Get yourself together. Ashmaker has become weak and careless. They're becoming a liability. One we can't afford if we are to remain free.

Liability. The word lodges itself painfully beneath my ribs. Ashmaker isn't the problem. Ashmaker is the only thing that has ever made any sense. Before them, there was only noise, only blood, and endless nights trying to outrun myself and my memories. Then came purpose. Fire. Judgment. Communion. The first time I watched Ashmaker erase a monster from this world... I finally understood what God was supposed to feel like.

"They're not a liability," I grit through clenched teeth, like a rabid animal just waiting to attack the predator that threatens its safety.

Then why are you finishing every scene? My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.